TOW The Auction
by Lindsey2
Summary: A simple charity 'date' auction turns into the battle of the sexes. chapter 9 up!
1. Chapter 1

:I thought I would do something fun and light-hearted. Most of this story is already written and so should have quick updates. This may get slightly naughty sometimes but it's tame and still deserves just a PG-13 rating. Please read and review!

**TOW the Auction**

**Chapter 1**

"Ok, guys, I hope you don't have any plans for tonight because I need you all to do me a _huge _favour," Rachel said breathlessly, running into the coffee house. She settled down into her chair and looked expectantly at her friends.

Monica looked at her suspiciously. "What _kind _of favour?" she asked slowly.

Rachel rolled her eyes, the scepticism on each of her friends' faces not going un-noticed. "You people always expect the worse don't you?" she exclaimed, "I haven't even _begun _to explain and already you're staring at me like I'm about to kill you all or something!"

"Rachel, the last favour I did for you I ended up handcuffed to a chair," Chandler pointed out, looking up from his newspaper, "so excuse me if I seem a little hesitant."

"That was three _months _ago Chandler, let it go already!"

"You wait until _you're _in that situation, then we'll have this conversation again, ok?"

"Ok, so, what favour do you need Rach?" Ross interrupted, glaring at Chandler meaningfully. Chandler rolled his eyes and went back to reading the newspaper.

"Ok...um…Bloomingdales are doing this charity auction thing tonight to raise money for cancer research and I was hoping you five would attend?"

"What's the catch?" Phoebe asked immediately. "You wouldn't be asking us to go with you if there wasn't something else involved."

"Catch? There's no _catch_…" Rachel laughed uncomfortably, avoiding Phoebe's eyes.

"Yes there is, see, no eye contact!" Phoebe exclaimed, pointing at her, "come on, out with it!"

"Ok, ok, but you should know it really isn't as bad as it seems, it really could be a lot of fun…"

"That's what Joey said about the Pinocchio play," Chandler interrupted, "it _was _that bad and it _wasn't _fun…"

"Hey!" Joey exclaimed, "I got a standing ovation!"

"They were clapping because they were relieved it was over Joe…"

"Anyway, getting back to what I was talking about…" Rachel snapped, irritated, "this charity auction…you should know that the 'items' that are being auctioned off are actually people…"

"My god slavery is making a comeback?!" Chandler asked incredulously.

"Actually, yes, it is. Kind of." Rachel smiled brightly.

"Maybe Joanna had the right idea," Chandler grinned, "I could borrow her handcuffs for a while."

"Wait a sec. Are you telling us that _we _have to be up for Auction?" Ross asked, eyes widening, "as _slaves_?"

"yes, isn't that just so much _fun_?!" Rachel clapped her hands in exaggerated enthusiasm, "You stand on a stage, and people bid for you! The buyer with the highest offer has you as their slave for a whole day! Then they switch and the buyer becomes the slave! All the money from the Auction goes to the charity!"

"well, I'm in!" Phoebe smiled, "this reminds me of the time Albino Bob tried to get me to be a dying old lady and beg off the streets…" she looked at her friends' shocked faces, "Oh please… how else could I have survived?"

"No _way_ am I exploiting myself like this!" Ross announced stubbornly, "this is…is wrong! This is approving of the shameful way people used to treat the poor years ago! "

"Lighten up Ross, it's for charity and it's only for one _day_," Monica turned to Rachel, "I guess I could give it a shot."

"Me too," Joey agreed, "this could get me benefits!"

"How exactly?" Rachel looked at him in confusion.

"Well, let's just say I'm going to make sure a really hot woman bids for me and is willing to accept I will do _anything _for her." Joey winked and grinned, "as for what happens when we switch roles…"

"Ughh," Rachel groaned, "maybe you shouldn't be a part of this."

"No, no! Don't do this to me Rachel! I'll be good, I promise." Joey looked at her pleadingly.

"Ok, whatever. What about you Chandler?"

"Well, it's…it's interesting," he admitted. "Does the slave have to do _everything _the buyer asks?"

"Oh yeah, it's the rule." Rachel smiled, "that's why you'll be called a 'slave'. You are at the call of your buyer for a full twenty four hours."

"Come on Chandler, say you'll do it," Joey pleaded, "if you get a girl, this could be the closest thing you'll get to a date since you broke up with Kathy! You've got to get back in the game dude!"

"Joey, this isn't about how many more woman you can get into bed!" Monica exclaimed, "Wow, I'll feel sorry for the slave who ends up with you. She'll be ordered to walk around your apartment naked or something."

"Yeah, it will be like his favourite porn movies coming true," Chandler told her.

"I take that back, I'll feel sorry for who ends up with _you_." Monica shot back, rolling her eyes.

"This is going to be so _great_," Rachel stared at Ross, who was frowning down at the floor, "come on Doctor Geller, everyone else is doing it! You can't be the only one."

"Fine, but if I don't like my buyer, I quit!" Ross muttered.

"He's just worried he won't get any high bids," Chandler whispered to Monica. She giggled.

"I _heard _that." Ross snapped, "I'm a good catch…I can get as many votes as you any day Mister!"

"Yeah right, whatever you say, Monkey-boy," Chandler quipped good humouredly.

"Ok just because I _had _a monkey, it doesn't mean I _look _like one!"

"I think it's the hair…or the cheeks..."

"Nah, I think it's the ears," Phoebe disagreed, "see the way they stick out? _Totally _King Kong!"

Ross turned bright red and hid his face and ears from view with a newspaper.

"Right…um…so 8pm the Auction starts, we should get there for about 7pm maybe." Rachel explained, "Its formal dress. You three guys have to wear Tuxes."

"Um…mine is still at the dry cleaners," Joey said sheepishly, "I had a…accident."

Chandler grimaced. "Or maybe your _date_ had an accident by drinking too much Vodka," he corrected, "Vomit-tux alert."

"Eww! Too much information!" Rachel looked at the pair in disgust, "you'll have to hire one Joey. You ok Chandler?"

"Yeah, it's all good Rachel."

"Good. Ross?"

"I have one in my closet somewhere," Ross replied from behind his newspaper.

"Oh for god's sake, put that thing down! You don't have big ears; Chandler and Phoebe are just joking."

"Yeah, of course we are." Chandler winked at Phoebe.

"Yeah, with that tuxedo on, no one is going to notice you have..unique..facial features." Phoebe added.

"Shut up Pheebs, at least I don't have small feet like _Joey_!" Ross shouted, lowering his paper.

Joey turned red, hiding his feet under the table. "No one has to be perfect." He mumbled.

* * *

"Hey, Chandler, how do I look?" Ross asked, walking into Joey and Chandler's apartment.

"We-ell…" Chandler studied him, taking in the white tux and trousers with matching white bow tie and red handkerchief sticking out of the jacket pocket. His hair had been gelled down flat and parted in the middle. "It's…classy."

"Dude, seriously, is this ok?" Ross asked again, looking at him worriedly. Chandler covered his mouth to hide the huge grin appearing on his face.

Joey came out of the bedroom, dressed in his traditional black tuxedo, glanced at Ross and immediately started to howl with laughter. "_Duu-uude_!" He shrieked, "what is with your _hair_?!"

Ross flushed angrily and touched his parting delicately with his fingers. "I thought I'd try something different. I wanted to make an effort; people will be paying good money tonight."

"Not with _that _style they won't!" Chandler finally commented. "Where do you think you are…1965? And don't even get me _started _on the suit! You look like a middle-class pimp!"

"Well-well at least _my _tuxedo isn't boring!" Ross snapped back, "You're not even wearing a proper bow tie! It's long and-and so, like…huh…ordinary!"

"Wow, great comeback," Chandler said sarcastically, smoothing down his black jacket. "No one wears bow-ties anymore, haven't you noticed that? You see it all the time on the Emmys!"

"I knew you didn't watch pay-per-view porn," Joey said, doing up his cuffs. "Hey, can you tie this thing for me?" He flapped around his black bow-tie.

"Oh here, let me do it," Ross snapped, snatching the tie and wrapping it around Joey's neck.

The apartment door opened and in walked Monica, Rachel and Phoebe, all wearing evening gowns.

"Look at you boys all dressed up!" Monica teased.

"Yes, Chandler, I _love _your tuxedo!" Rachel said approvingly, "that is definitely not 'straight off the rack.'"

Chandler grinned bashfully then smirked at Ross.

"What about me?" Joey whined.

Rachel looked at him critically. "You're handsome, the ladies will love it. I still think Chandler actually has the edge this time though!"

Chandler grinned smugly at Joey, who scowled in disbelief.

Rachel turned around to Ross, letting out a little gasp. "Um…wow…ok."

"Is that a 'good' ok?" Ross asked hopefully.

"It would be if this gig was fancy dress," Phoebe answered, giggling.

"Yeah, um…what happened to your other tux?" Rachel asked hesitantly.

"It was a little tight around the shoulders," Ross said tightly, "so I got this out. I wore it to my college prom."

"I _knew _I'd seen that somewhere before!" Chandler laughed. "You made out with geeky Allison in it!"

"She was _not _a geek!"

"Ok, guys, time out," Rachel clapped her hands impatiently, "Ross, if you want to dress like that, it's your choice. Just don't expect too many bids tonight."

"We'll see." Ross said darkly, shooting nasty glances at a still-laughing Chandler.

* * *

"Whoa-ho check out the talent," Joey murmured to Chandler as they walked past the auction room.

"Oh boy, do I wish that brunette would bid for me later!" He continued, glancing at the back of a tall, notable looking woman with long, dark curly hair.

"That brunette looked awfully familiar," Chandler murmured, looking back at her as they continued to walk on.

They arrived backstage, where a nervous looking Rachel was listening to instructions from her boss, Joanna.

"Hello Joanna," Chandler greeted, smiling feebly.

"Hello," she replied coolly, "how are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Well, that's good." Joanna said sarcastically.

Rachel cleared her throat. "You remember Chandler's roommate, Joey, don't you?"

Joey shook Joanna's hand and winked at her. "How _u _doin'?" he said, grinning flirtatiously.

Joanna looked at Joey with distaste and turned to Rachel. "The auction starts in ten minutes," she informed, "start the bidding at fifty dollars and go from there."

"_Fifty_?" Chandler asked incredulously, "we're not worth more than that?"

"_You're _not." Joanna snapped, walking off.

"Hi guys," Ross called, walking towards the group, "ready for the big auction?"

"_You_ look like you are," Chandler said, grinning once again at Ross' suit.

"So how much do you think you're going to sell for?" Ross continued, ignoring Chandler's remark.

"Oh I don't know…500?" Joey said, shrugging indifferently.

"Yeah…right!" Ross cried, laughing.

"Ok, how much do you think _you're_ going to sell for, Mr. Big Shot?" Joey asked sweetly.

"I expect to get the most," Ross said confidently. "I'm not predicting numbers."

"Coward," Joey shot at him, "I bet you won't get past 300."

"How much?" Ross challenged.

"200 dollars." Joey said confidently.

"What?!" Chandler burst out, "Joey, you don't _have _200 dollars!"

Joey patted Chandler on the shoulder, "don't worry dude, we're going to win! No-one is going to bid for Ross while he's wearing his hair like that!"

"I wouldn't be so sure," Ross smiled superiorly, touching his parting lightly, "I've already been checked out already by some _very _nice ladies!"

"They were probably freaked out by you Ross," Rachel jumped in, giggling.

She checked her watch. "Oh, time to start!"

* * *

"Ok ladies!" Rachel called, walking onto the stage. "First up we have the _men_!"

A few squeals of excitement came from the various tables situated around the hall.

"Come on out boys!" Rachel cried flirtatiously.

Six men, including Chandler, Joey and Ross, strode out onto the stage. They each grinned around the room, winking in several directions.

"Ok, first bids go to Damien Brandon!" Rachel pointed to a tall blonde with a notable tan on the far left.

"I bid fifty!" A woman shrieked from the back.

"Fifty dollars from the woman on Table six!" Rachel announced. "Who's bidding fifty-five?"

"Me!" Another woman shouted.

* * *

Phoebe and Monica watched from their table as Damien Brandon was eventually sold for 200 dollars to an over-excited red-head on the table next to theirs.

"This is _crazy_," Monica whispered, grinning.

"Are you going to bid for anyone?" Phoebe asked, her eyes studying the men on the stage.

"Hmmm…" Monica murmured. She looked at Chandler. She was so tempted to bid for him. She could make his life miserable. That would pay him back for every prank he had played on her.

"Oh I definitely know whom I'm bidding for." She replied, smiling widely at Phoebe.

"So do I!" Phoebe said, smiling.

"Who? Joey I suppose?"

"Oh no…_no_!" Phoebe said hurriedly, "Do you see that guy on the end? He's standing next to Chandler."

Monica studied the black-haired man Phoebe was referring to. "Wow…very nice." She approved.

"The program says his name is Mike Hannigan and he's a _law_ graduate!" Phoebe explained excitedly. She leered at the picture of Mike in the book, "Ohh I can't _wait _to get my hands on him!" she purred.

Monica giggled. She looked around the room, amused at the amount of women gazing adoringly at the five remaining men on stage. She frowned as she heard a lot of murmurings about Chandler. It looked like bidding for him was going to be more difficult than she thought it would be.

"I don't think I'll be voting for my Chandler!" a familiar voice said behind her.

Monica turned to Phoebe, her eyes widening. Phoebe grinned.

"Its too hard knowing I would have to give him up after the 24 hours!" the woman continued, "so maybe I should go for Joey."

Phoebe snorted. "He is going to _freak_!" she whispered to an amazed Monica.

* * *

"Oh _god_," Chandler groaned. "I don't believe it."

"What's the matter?" Joey whispered. He tried to keep the smile on his face as the bidding for him started.

"_Janice _is in the audience," Chandler hissed, "I _knew _I recognised that woman!"

Joey chuckled. "You'd better hope she doesn't bid for you!"

Chandler smirked. "It looks like she's more interested in _you_ my friend."

The smiled faded from Joey's lips as Janice's hand shot up in the air.

"300 dollars!" she shrieked, causing gasps to flood through the room.

**End of Chapter 1**

:I haven't forgotten the other fanfics, they are in the progress of being updated.:


	2. Chapter 2

**TOW the Auction**

**Chapter 2**

Monica stifled a laugh as she watched Janice drag Joey down off the stage and towards her table. Her bids for Joey had turned into a two-way battle with another woman. In the end, she had got him for an amazing 550 dollars.

"Poor guy," Phoebe commented, "do you think he'll be able to take it?"

"He's going to have to," Monica said, grinning. She looked down at her program and smiled as she saw that Chandler was due to be auctioned off next.

"Chandler looks nervous," Phoebe whispered, "I guess seeing his best friend being bought by his ex threw him a little."

"If he feels nervous now, just you wait and see what happens next!" Monica told her.

"Just what are you up to?" Phoebe asked suspiciously.

* * *

Chandler felt his forehead perspire as Rachel announced his name to the crowds of women gathered around the stage.

"He's 28 years old and a real hottie!" Rachel said, winking, "and guess what, he's _funny_!"

"I bid 60 dollars!" a woman called from the front.

Chandler grinned down at the pretty blonde in the front row.

"70!"

"80!"

"Wow, ladies, keep it up!" Rachel shouted approvingly.

"150 dollars!" someone shouted from the back.

Chandler widened his eyes. The bidding was getting higher than he had expected.

* * *

Monica frowned at the woman who had bid the 150 dollars. At this rate, by the time _she_ decided to start bidding, it was going to cost her entire bank balance.

She knew she _must _get Chandler though.

"160 dollars!" she called. She heard Phoebe gasp.

"You're bidding for _Chandler_?" she whispered in amazement.

"200 dollars!" the other woman shrieked back, smiling triumphantly.

A few gasps spread around the room. Monica noticed Chandler was beginning to turn a funny colour. Even Rachel's brow was beginning to furrow.

"Um…220 dollars!" Monica called recklessly, biting her lip.

"Mon, what are you _doing_?" Phoebe asked urgently, wide-eyed.

Monica looked over at the woman, waiting for her reply. She was beginning to look worried.

"300 dollars!" the woman suddenly yelled.

Phoebe groaned and covered her face with her hands.

"400 dollars!" Monica yelled.

"Ok, um, you realise you don't have to bid by hundreds at a time, right?" Rachel called, grinning. She looked over at Chandler who was opening and shutting his mouth like a fish.

"500 dollars!" the woman yelled, ignoring Rachel's advice. She folded her arms with an air of victory.

On the stage, Chandler pulled at his collar nervously.

"Monica, you have to stop," Phoebe said urgently, "this woman isn't going to give up."

"Phoebe, don't you know me at all?" Monica said back. "650 dollars!" she called.

This time, the woman's smile froze.

* * *

"Here, get that down you." Rachel handed Joey a shot and he downed it in one go. He leaned his forehead against the bar.

"Janice," he mumbled, "I _hate _her."

"It won't be _so _bad," Rachel consoled, "it's only going to be a few days…"

"A _few_ days?!" Joey yelped, lifting his head up quickly, "I thought you said 24 hours each?!"

Rachel blushed awkwardly. "Ah…well…see the thing is…well…"

"Spit it out Rach," Joey growled.

"After seeing how much you and Chandler sold for, Joanna thought it was only fair the buyers got their money's worth," Rachel rushed, avoiding his eyes.

"And…?"

"So…um…she thought the slavery thing should be extended to…to three days each." Rachel mumbled.

"What?" Joey whispered, going pale, "that's…that's nearly a week."

"Um…yeah!" Rachel said, mocking enthusiasm "isn't that just so _great_?"

"Yeah, really great," Joey said, glaring at her dangerously.

"Wow, would you just look at the time!" Rachel yelped, staring at her watch. She stood up quickly. "I've got to start the bidding for Ross next!"

She rushed off to the doors.

"Rachel!" Joey yelled across the bar. "Get your arse back here!"

"Sorry Joey!" she called, "it really _will _be ok you know!"

"Thanks a lot!" Joey groaned and buried his head in his hands. A few seconds later, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

"Hello Joey!" a high, merry voice cooed in his ears.

Joey swallowed hard and pasted a smile on his face. "Hey Janice!" he greeted, laughing uncomfortably.

Janice seated herself on a bar stool right next to him and grinned. "I bet you never expected _that_ to happen!" she laughed.

Joey winced. "Yeah, well, you always _were_ full of surprises." He replied, smiling feebly.

Janice laughed loudly again. "Oh _you_!" she cried, poking him hard in the ribs.

Joey rubbed his chest and forced a laugh with her. "So…um…what do you want me to do?" he asked, trying not to sound too fearful.

"Nothing right now," Janice said airily, much to his surprise. "The deal doesn't start until tomorrow. I'll think of something."

Joey nodded slowly, wondering what 'something' was going to be.

Janice laughed at his nervous face. "Relax honey!" she pinched his cheek playfully, "we're going to have lots of fun, don't worry!"

"Yeah…yeah of course we will." Joey replied faintly.

* * *

"I can't believe you bid for me," Chandler whispered hoarsely as he took a seat between Monica and Phoebe.

"Neither can I;" Monica said, smiling ruefully, "I'm 700 dollars out of pocket."

"I just don't understand why you did it," Chandler continued, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Because I want to make the next three days hell for you Bing," Monica explained, smiling sweetly.

"Oh god…" Chandler groaned.

"Hey guys, something is happening on stage!" Phoebe interrupted.

* * *

Ross had never felt more humiliated in his entire life. He had been standing on the stage for a full 15 minutes and he had failed to get a single bid.

"Come on ladies!" Rachel said desperately, "don't let first impressions get the better of you! Ross is a good guy…really!"

Ross winced as he listened to his ex-girlfriend really lay it on the line. It almost made him want to puke.

"Come on, he's sweet…smart…_sexy_…_I_ wouldn't kick him out of bed!" Rachel forced a laugh.

"Oh yes you damn well would," Ross muttered at her.

"Shut _up_!" she hissed, "do you want bids or not?"

Ross glared at her.

* * *

"Poor Ross," Monica murmured. She turned to Phoebe. "Come on, can't _you _bid for him?"

Phoebe shook her head adamantly. "Nope, I'm having Mike." She glanced crossly at her watch. "When are they going to _get _to him?"

* * *

In spite of everything that had happened between them, even Rachel didn't want _this _to happen to Ross. This was a cruel, humiliating blow to his self-esteem. She had to convince these women that Ross was ok to bid for, despite appearances.

"You know what girls? I'm going to let you in on a little secret," Rachel continued, "I've _slept _with Ross. And he's _good_." She ignored the little groans coming from Ross next to her. "But I know it isn't about that really. He may look like a dork tonight, but that's only because he cares so much about wanting to impress you all. He's kind-hearted and he would do _anything_ for you."

Rachel was encouraged to hear a few murmurings from the audience.

"About six or seven months ago, I cracked a rib. I was in a lot of pain and Ross stayed with me _all _evening at the hospital. And you know what he could have been doing instead? He could have been on _TV _! On the Discovery Channel! It was something he had been dreaming of doing for years and instead he gave all that up to take his friend to hospital." Rachel smiled over at Ross and he looked at her in amazement.

"Ross is a good friend," she finished softly, "so come on girls, do the right thing, and bid for him!"

Someone tentatively raised her hand. "I'll bid 50," she said, hesitantly.

"Good!" Rachel encouraged, "anybody else?"

After a few minutes, the bids had been raised to 70 dollars.

"Come on girls, he deserves 100 at least!" Rachel cried. She looked around and rolled her eyes despairingly. "Ok, fine! _I'll _bid 100 dollars!"

"What?!" Ross hissed. "You don't want _me _as your slave! And I don't _want _to be!"

"And you won't be, trust me!" Rachel snapped.

* * *

"I think Rachel's little plan has just backfired there," Chandler commented, noticing that nobody else wanted to go higher than 100 dollars.

"They've only got a few seconds left," Monica said worriedly, "surely Rachel isn't about to _buy _Ross?"

* * *

"Sold…for…for 100 dollars." Rachel said faintly, going white.

"Well done Rachel," Ross said sarcastically.

Rachel pulled Ross down the stage. "Joanna, you carry on with the bidding for Mike!" she called, "I just need to have a word with my…my slave."

They walked back stage and faced each other, both folding arms.

"Well, despite the little performance you put on there, it looks like you're stuck with me." Ross smiled smugly.

"Unluckily for you," Rachel said, smiling suddenly, "it's payback time!"

"What do you mean by that?" Ross asked slowly.

"Oh, Geller, I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to me." Rachel grinned, "…but this may be the perfect opportunity to lie to rest some of our issues."

"You mean…"

"I mean that if you want to be my friend again, you'll have to _work _for it." Rachel arched her eyebrow.

"What are you going to get me to do?" Ross demanded as she walked away.

"You'll see Monkey boy."

* * *

"So…um…your name is Phoebe, right?" Mike Hannigan asked uncertainly.

Phoebe flushed. "Yeah, um…you didn't mind me bidding for you, did you?"

They walked to the bar and sat on a pair of stools.

"No, actually, I kind of saw you at the beginning of the evening," Mike said, smiling shyly, "you're a beautiful woman."

"Oh I know!" Phoebe said airily.

Mike laughed. "I hope I'm worth the 300 dollars you paid for me."

"Oh I think you will be Mike." Phoebe said, smiling flirtatiously.

"You seem very confident Phoebe…?"

"Buffay. Phoebe Buffay." Phoebe rested her chin on her palm and gazed at Mike intently.

"Buffay, huh?" Mike smiled, "That's quite…intriguing."

"Oh I know…I'm an intriguing woman." Phoebe whispered.

"I can see that." Mike said hoarsely. "So…um…what must I do as your slave?"

"Well, that is a very good question Mike." Phoebe arched an eyebrow, "what _can _you do for me?"

"Well…" Mike wriggled an eyebrow. "We lawyers can do anything when we put our minds to it. We have many tricks under our sleeves."

"Maybe we should discuss this further at my apartment?"

"Oh yes."

Phoebe grabbed Mike's hand and dragged him out of the bar.

* * *

Later that night, Monica and Chandler shared a cab home. They sat in silence, and Chandler began to feel a slight flicker of apprehension.

He knew of course that Monica _was _going to give him hell. His constant remarks earlier in the year about being 'boyfriend material' must have grated on her nerves.

Then of course there was the apartment switching fiasco. He knew Monica had not forgiven him for that one yet, even if she _did _win that battle in the end.

He wondered what she was going to do with him and how it was all going to turn out.

They arrived outside their apartments and he grinned at Monica. "So, ma'am, what is my first task?" he asked, bowing.

"Hmm…breakfast in bed will be a good start." Monica said thoughtfully, smiling.

"That isn't too bad," Chandler said, shrugging.

"At 6am, before I go to work." Monica finished.

"What?" Chandler freaked, "that's _insanely _early!"

"That's your task and I expect you to do it!" Monica said firmly, grinning mischievously. She walked into her apartment. "Night slave!" she called brightly, shutting the door behind her.

"Maybe I should switch with Joey," Chandler muttered, walking into his own apartment.

He widened his eyes, realising what he had just said. "No…no! You don't want Janice!" he yelped, smacking his forehead, "Monica is much better."

He smiled as he walked into his bedroom.

"I'm Monica _Geller's _slave!" he said to himself, grinning. "And she's going to be _my _slave soon! This is going to be _awesome_."

**End of Chapter 2**

:oh wow thank you very much for the reviews! Keep them coming because things are going to get very interesting soon! I'm concentrating on two couples per chapter so it doesn't get too cluttered.:


	3. Chapter 3

:wow thank you once again for the reviews! It's marvellous and I'm very flattered! Keep them coming!:

**TOW the Auction**

**Chapter 3**

"Damn you stupid son of a…"

The shouts and curses coming from the living room reached Joey's bedroom and he groaned inwardly. He looked at the clock. 5.45a.m.

What the hell was going on?

"I swear to god I'm going to _kill _her!" The shouts continued.

Joey stepped out of bed, put on a dressing gown and threw his door open. In spite of the rude awakening, even he had to laugh at the scene before him.

In the kitchen, a dishevelled looking Chandler threw a plate of what looked like burnt toast into the bin.

"Stupid, damn toaster!" Chandler grumbled.

"Good morning chef," Joey greeted, grinning.

"It is _not _good morning," Chandler snapped. He turned around and gave out another cry of dismay.

"Pancakes burnt huh?" Joey asked, waving the smoke away from his face.

"Monica _knows _I can't cook!" Chandler freaked, "why is she _doing _this to me?"

"I'm sure it's nothing personal," Joey said, suppressing a grin.

"Oh and that makes everything so much better." Chandler retorted sarcastically. He grabbed a bowl and some eggs and proceeded to make another pancake mixture.

"Um…so I'll leave you to it, shall I?" Joey prompted grinning.

"Don't make me come over there with this spoon," Chandler threatened, "just get the hell out of here."

The phone began to ring and the two exchanged glances.

"Don't look at me, _my _master is still in _bed_," Chandler mumbled, whipping the eggs fast and furiously.

Joey rolled his eyes and answered the phone.

"Hello."

"Good _morning _Joey!"

Joey winced and pulled the phone slightly away from his ear. He had forgotten what Janice sounded like in the mornings.

"Hey… Janice."

"How are you this morning?"

"I'm…fine." Joey said cautiously.

"Well, you know what today is, don't you?" Janice asked teasingly.

"The Apocalypse?" Joey asked feebly. He pulled the phone away from his ear again as Janice laughed.

"You're so funny!" she shrieked. "_No_, it's your first day of being my slave! Meet me outside Central Perk in 15 minutes!"

"What?" Joey freaked, "Janice, its 6a.m!"

He tried to ignore the muffled laughter coming from Chandler's direction.

"That's right! It's 6a.m, the beginning of a new day! See you in a few minutes!" Janice hung up.

Joey stared numbly at the phone.

"So I guess _you _get an early start too," Chandler commented, a flicker of a smile appearing on his tired face.

"Oh shut up," Joey grumbled, walking back into his room to get dressed.

* * *

"Wow…this…this is nice." Monica smiled wanly at the breakfast laid out on her tray. On one plate was slightly over-done toast with poached eggs. Another plate had a pile of pancakes that looked suspiciously _under_-done.

"No it isn't," Chandler grumbled, "it looks disgusting and you know it."

Monica giggled. "Well, I've had better." She confessed.

"My idea of breakfast is a bowl of cereal. I don't _do _this."

Monica touched his arm. "Hey, you never know, it may taste better than we think!" she withdrew her hand from his arm and bravely picked up a fork. She picked up a pancake and tasted it.

She looked at Chandler's hopeful face and felt bad for him. The pancake _was_ under-done; she could even still taste the raw eggs.

"You know what? It's really great." She lied. She blushed as Chandler looked suspiciously at her.

"Mon, I've known you for almost ten years. So unless you've become a brilliant liar overnight, I'm prepared to believe I may poison you if you eat the rest of that pancake."

Monica flushed deeper and put her fork down. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Chandler gave her a grin. "Don't worry about it. At least I've got something to feed the chick and the duck now!"

"You're not serious!" Monica cried. She sat up straighter in her bed and stared at Chandler in horror.

"Well, why not?" Chandler asked, shrugging, "they'll _love _it."

"I don't know…"

"Of course they will! Poultry eat eggs, right?"

* * *

Joey's usual wake-up call was noon. So to walk out of his apartment building just after 6a.m was a little bit of a culture shock for him. It was just before rush hour and many people were leaving the building at the same time. Some were in a rush; some were idly messing around with their cell phones and blocking the sidewalk. Joey awkwardly walked around these people and made his way to Central Perk.

He wasn't a morning person.

When he reached Central Perk, he saw that Janice was already standing outside waiting for him. She waved at him enthusiastically.

"You're here!" she cried, "now it's time for us to have some fun!"

"Uh-huh," Joey said dryly, remembering the last time he had 'fun' with Janice.

"I thought we could get some breakfast at _Café Nero _first before we do anything though," Janice continued, much to his surprise.

"Uh…sure that would be great!"

"What?" Janice frowned at the surprised look on his face.

"Well, it's just…of all the things I might have been doing today; having breakfast with you at a diner wasn't what I had in mind." Joey explained uncomfortably.

Janice broke into a grin. "You thought I would be ordering you around," she said, a tone of realisation in her voice.

"Well…yeah," Joey chuckled, "its kinda the whole point, you know?"

"There's a way of doing it and I want to make sure you _enjoy _yourself." Janice shook her head. "This isn't about who tortures the other the most."

"To Monica it is," Joey pointed out, thinking of Chandler and the breakfast making fiasco.

"Well it isn't to me. Now come on, let's get down to that diner! I could eat a thousand muffins right now." Janice paused and smiled. "That's an order Tribbiani."

Joey smiled slightly and followed Janice down the block.

* * *

Monica walked into Chandler's living room and held out a long piece of paper. "Your tasks for the day are…"

"Tasks? Plural?" Chandler asked, swallowing hard.

"You didn't think that making breakfast for me was going to be it, did you?" Monica asked, smirking.

"Well, I _did_ think you'd give me a couple of hours off," Chandler grumbled, looking at his watch, "it's still too early!"

"You'll survive," Monica said, rolling her eyes, "your next task is for you to go to Allesandros and pick up some equipment for me that belong in my apartment."

"Now?" Chandler whined, thinking longingly of his bed.

"Yes…now." Monica looked at him in amusement. "Are you really _that _tired?"

"I don't usually get up for work until, like, 8a.m."

"The exercise will do you good." Monica handed him a piece of paper, "here's the list. It isn't too much."

"_Six_ saucepans?!" Chandler cried, looking at Monica in disbelief. "I can't carry all those…and four stir-fry pans?"

"So get a cab," Monica pushed him towards the doors and handed him the keys, "get going now and you'll be back in time for the next task."

"The _next _one? Are you kidding me with this? I've gotta get to work!"

"You'll have time…now go!"

* * *

An hour later and Chandler walked the route back to his apartment building, his arms bursting under a box of cooking equipment. As it was rush hour, it was impossible for him to get a cab.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to carry the box and at one point Chandler stopped for a breather, right outside Central Perk.

"You ok Chandler?" Gunther asked, who was writing the specials on the blackboard.

"Yeah, great, fine." Chandler wheezed, bending over to stretch his aching muscles.

"You don't _look_ fine." Gunther smirked at him.

Chandler stood up straighter and glared at him. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around.

"Richard!" Chandler gasped.

The tall, moustached, ex-boyfriend of Monica's smiled at Chandler genially.

"Hey Chandler, how's it going?" he greeted.

"Not too bad. It's been a while." Chandler replied, shaking his hand.

"How's…um…Monica?" Richard asked uncertainly.

"Oh she's doing fine," Chandler looked down at the box of equipment and scowled, "still as kooky as ever."

Richard laughed. "Well that's great. Tell her I said 'hi', won't you."

"Yeah sure I will." Chandler assured him.

Richard began to walk away and then paused, looking at Chandler hesitantly.

"Um…my daughter Michelle is 28 today and there's going to be a party. You, Monica and the rest of your friends are welcome to come."

"Wow…um…sure!" Chandler agreed hesitantly, wondering what Monica was going to think.

* * *

"You said _yes_?!" Monica shrieked.

Chandler ran a hand through his hair and swallowed hard. "Um…what's the opposite of 'no'?" he asked quietly.

"Well, that's just wonderful," Monica moaned, sinking down on her couch.

"I thought you would be happy to see Richard again!"

Monica glared at him. "He was the love of my life Chandler! How can I go to his daughter's birthday party without a boyfriend?! He's gonna think I haven't moved on from him!"

"He isn't going to think that," Chandler sat down next to her and winced as Monica's shouts became louder.

"Even if he didn't think that, the whole situation is going to be just plain awkward! It wasn't all that long ago that we were 'raquet-ball buddies'!!"

"So bringing a guy is going to solve all that?" Chandler asked, confused.

"At least I'll have my pride! It's just obvious why he's doing this." Monica scowled.

"Um…to be nice?"

"So he could flaunt this 'getting over each other' thing in my face! Inviting me to his party just proves he can 'cope' with seeing me again." Monica groaned and buried her face into a cushion. "And I can't turn the invitation down. That will just prove his point. And I don't _like _people proving a point to me."

"If you're right about these crazy thoughts you're having, then I guess it's too bad you _don't_ have a boyfriend to bring." Chandler mused.

"Yes…" Monica looked at him unhappily. Then suddenly, her eyes widened. "Wait a minute…"

Chandler tilted his head at her. "What?"

"_You _can be my boyfriend!" Monica exclaimed, grabbing his arms.

"Um…what?"

"It's _perfect_," Monica whispered, "all you gotta do is hold my hand for a few hours tonight and…"

"Whoa, _whoa_…I don't_ think_ so!" Chandler laughed uneasily and pulled himself away from Monica's grasp.

"Why not?" she demanded, "You need to do a decent task for me and it's not going to be difficult…"

"Yes it damn well _will _be!" Chandler freaked, "you're forgetting I'm _not _your boyfriend Mon! I couldn't pull that off, especially in front of your ex! He'd see through us like a shot."

"No he won't. Not if we're convincing." Monica tapped her chin thoughtfully.

"'Convincing'?" Chandler asked suspiciously, "I don't think we're going to look convincing just holding hands."

"Well we…we could do _more _than that." Monica suggested, her cheeks flushing a little.

"Oh god no," Chandler said, backing away, "I'm not kissing you!"

"Oh come on!" Monica pleaded, standing up and walking closer to him. "It's just for tonight!"

"It's inappropriate and wrong," Chandler pointed out, "our other friends are going to be there. Your _parents _will most likely be there and your…hmm…whom could I be thinking of here? Your _brother_!"

"We'll tell him what's going on." Monica said, walking even more closely to him.

Chandler stepped back a few more paces. "He's going to think it's _my _idea."

"Not when I _tell _him," Monica said, exasperation creeping into her voice.

"Look I don't kno—"

Chandler was cut off as Monica grabbed his head and kissed him fully on the mouth. She pulled back and breathed deeply.

"Holy mother of…" Chandler spluttered.

"Will you please do this for me?" Monica pleaded.

"You…you just kissed me!"

"That was to a) shut you up and b) for me to see if you're a good kisser or not."

"And…and am I?"

"You're not bad," Monica said, grinning slightly, "even if I _was _doing all the work."

"Oh believe me, if we were kissing for _real_, you would _not _be calling the shots." Chandler said smugly.

"Oh really?" Monica asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Oh yes." Chandler folded his arms. "I am the king of the kissers."

"Prove it then." Monica folded her arms.

"Fine. I will! The party starts at 8pm. I'll pick you up at 7.30, ok?"

"Yes, ok, but I think we need to _practice_ first. Prove you're a good kisser." Monica grinned at him.

"Right now?" Chandler asked, wide-eyed.

"Right now."

"Ok." Chandler shrugged and stepped closer to Monica. He lifted a hand and brushed the hair away from her face. After a slight grin and brief look into her eyes, he placed a soft kiss on her mouth, applying pressure slowly. He placed the other hand on her hip as the kiss got deeper.

Just as he felt Monica beginning to respond, Chandler pulled back.

"That good enough for you?" he asked, smiling at her flushed face.

"Um…er…" Monica stuttered, her eyes flashing at him in a daze.

"I'll see you tonight." Chandler gave her another grin and walked out of the apartment.

* * *

"Oh _Ross_," Rachel called teasingly through the door of his apartment.

"What?" Ross grumbled, opening the door.

"Time to get to work!" she said, tapping her watch.

"I have the day off," Ross told her, beginning to shut the door.

Rachel jammed her foot in so the door couldn't be shut. "You're forgetting something." She said, grinning.

Ross sighed. "Ok fine. What do you want? A late breakfast? Didn't Monica make you it this morning?"

Rachel shook her head. "I said it's time to get to _work_." She hinted.

Ross closed his eyes. "Please tell me you're kidding."

"No I'm not. One of the reasons our relationship didn't work out, besides the obvious of course, is because you thought I was putting my career ahead of you. Well, now you're going to see what exactly kept me at the office all those nights"

"You're taking me to _Bloomingdales_?" Ross snickered, "what have I got to do? Be a salesman?"

Rachel smiled sweetly at him. "There's a little more to it than that. Get dressed and you'll see."

"Ok, give me a sec." Ross yawned, then frowned as he thought of something. "what did you mean, 'besides the obvious'?" he demanded.

"Don't be an arse," Rachel snapped, "you know very well what broke us up and it's in your pants."

* * *

"Wow, those croissants were _amazing_!" Joey marvelled, walking out of the diner.

Janice laughed. "I know. They are New York's finest."

They walked through Central Park together and Joey wondered when the real stuff was going to start.

"So…um…I guess these next couple of days are not just going to be about eating croissants." He said regretfully.

"Well…no," Janice said thoughtfully, "do you like the Knicks?"

Joey widened his eyes. "I _love _the Knicks!"

Janice smiled excitedly. "_Awesome_! They're playing tonight, did you know that?"

"Yeah!" Joey grinned, "I was planning on watching the highlights later."

"You can do better than that," Janice said airily, poking around inside her bag. "Ah-hah! Got them." She pulled out two small slips of paper.

"Those are basketball tickets!" Joey cried, pulling them out of her hand, "to the Knicks!"

"Yep, you wanna come?"

"They're courtside!" he shrieked.

"I take that as a 'yes' then," Janice snickered.

**End of Chapter 3**

:remember that chandler still liked richard back then, hence the friendly greetings to each other. next up, Mike and Pheebs! And a few other hints at the other couples. Hehe.:


	4. Chapter 4

**TOW the Auction**

**Chapter 4**

"And when you've finished bringing me my coffee, I'd like you to start filing away these papers please," Rachel said briskly, piling up some files in Ross' arms.

Ross scowled and stood rooted in the middle of the office, glaring at her.

Rachel arched an eyebrow. "What's the problem?"

"I'll tell you what the 'problem' is," Ross mimicked, dumping the files on the floor. "It's 3pm and I've been working non-stop since 9am! I deserve a break!"

Rachel laughed. "You think _this _is a problem?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes!" Ross exclaimed, wide-eyed, "I've been your dogsbody all day Rach! I've made you coffee, I've been to the bakery _three _times with everybody's orders and I've sorted through that _shocking _filing system of yours. I mean 'colour-coded'… what the hell is _that _all about?"

"Let me tell you this Ross. What you've done isn't too difficult." Rachel pointed out, frowning, "you haven't even _began _to do what _I _do all day!"

"Ok, let's get started then!" Ross cried; "because I've _had_ it with the other stuff!"

Rachel smirked. "Ok. If that's what you want." She opened her desk drawer and pulled out a large folder. She handed it to Ross.

"In this is what I've got to finish by the end of the day." Rachel explained. "Inside there are a lot of outstanding orders for the menswear department downstairs. In one order there was a _huge _screw-up at the warehouse last week and now the department doesn't have enough winter coats for the sale this weekend. It's your job to ring up the warehouse to find out what is going on and tell them to pull their finger out. We _need _those coats."

"Is that it?" Ross asked, smirking, "I've just got to ask 'some guy' at a warehouse to deliver a batch of coats to Bloomingdales?"

"Yes, 'that's it'." Rachel smiled sweetly at him. "Be sure to ask for Jack Wilner."

"Ok…"

"Just whatever you do…_don't _rile him up, ok?"

* * *

A while later Ross was banging his head in utter frustration. "Look, Mr Wilner, you've gotta give me a break here. All I want is a further 1000 coats delivered here by the weekend…yes I realise it isn't your fault the manufacturers had a problem with the batch…uh-huh…yeah…"

Rachel smiled to herself as she typed up a memo for Joanna.

"So the delivery guy is on holiday this week?" Ross continued, groaning, "Well, yeah, that _is _a problem actually! Don't you have a replacement? What do you _mean _'Brad' is off sick?!"

"Oh dear god he's shouting…he's shouting," Rachel muttered, pausing to listen closely to the conversation.

"The organisation is a disgrace!" Ross exclaimed, "what?! You don't like my 'attitude'?"

"Oh no…" Rachel rolled her eyes to the ceiling.

"What do you mean, 'don't you realise whom you're talking to?'" Ross demanded, "as far as I'm concerned I'm talking to an incompetent _fool_ who can't run his warehouse properly!"

"Ross…_Ross_…" Rachel warned, widening her eyes.

"Oh you want to speak to my _supervisor _do you?" Ross mocked, "She is too busy right now, so you'll have to make do with me. Hello? Hello?!" Ross stared at the phone in disgust. "He's hung up on me!"

"Ross, what did you just _do_?" Rachel demanded angrily, "I _told _you not to rile him up!"

"Ahh I've never spoken to such an idiot in my entire life," Ross snapped, "he doesn't have a delivery guy until _Thursday_, can you believe that?"

"Yes, I can actually. Instead of reacting the way you did, you could have accepted the situation and _dealt _with it. You _don't _insult a warehouse manager who has to deal with thousands of orders for different companies every week!"

"Well, what else was I supposed to say?" Ross exclaimed; "he wasn't willing to compromise! He couldn't even promise that the coats would be _ready _to be delivered on Thursday! Not even if we picked them up ourselves."

Rachel threw her arms up in the air. "_Now _do you see what I had to deal with when we were dating?!" she shouted. "Can you see why I was never home? I have to deal with people like Jack Wilner everyday!"

Ross looked at Rachel in astonishment as she let rip.

"I would come home tired and emotional Ross. Where was the support? Where was the 'oh everything will be ok Rach?"

Ross swallowed hard. "I…I don't know what to say." He muttered.

"I really needed your support at a time when I was scared and didn't know what I was doing," Rachel said emotionally, "it was a new job. I just wanted to come home to a boyfriend who understood that. I wanted the hugs and reassurances that you would always be on my side. But I didn't get that. What I got instead was jealousy, hostility towards my work colleagues and your hints that I should _quit_."

"I'm sorry," Ross said quietly, "I really am. I had no idea about the pressure you were under."

Rachel sighed. "It doesn't matter anymore. We can't turn back the clock. I just wanted to bring you here so you could understand what I go through, that's all."

She checked her watch and smiled up at him. "Go on, take a break. I'll sort out the mess with Jack and explain you were new to this."

"Thanks Rach." Ross didn't bring himself to meet her eyes and walked out of the room.

* * *

"I'm not sure if sleeping with you was part of the deal," Mike smiled wryly at Phoebe as they both got dressed.

Phoebe giggled. "Or spending the whole morning in bed," she added.

"I don't know a thing about you," Mike said in realisation. "All I know is you bought me for 300 dollars at a _crazy _auction, brought me back to your apartment and…well…" he stopped and blushed.

"And had wild, passionate sex with you," Phoebe finished, grinning.

"You thought it was passionate, huh?" Mike asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah," Phoebe walked over to him and kissed his lips.

"I could get used to this." Mike said in-between kisses.

"Don't get carried away," Phoebe gently scolded him, backing off. "I want to know a few things first."

"Ok…" Mike said uncertainly, "what do you want to know?"

"I want to know how a nice, hotshot lawyer like you got involved in a charity auction," Phoebe replied, sitting down on the bed. She motioned for him to sit with her.

"Well let's get one thing clear," Mike cleared his throat and blushed again. "I'm not a hotshot lawyer."

"Oh, really?" Phoebe asked, frowning slightly.

"I own a jazz club in the city. I play piano and people can buy drinks at the bar…you know." Mike looked away in embarrassment. "…and I entered the auction on a dare by someone at the club."

"That's…that's _great_!" Phoebe exclaimed, pulling Mike's head towards her.

"It is?" Mike asked, wide-eyed.

"Yeah, who wants to be a lawyer anyway?" Phoebe waved her hand dismissively.

"Well, I _used _to be…" Mike corrected her, "but I got bored with it."

"I can't believe I've slept with a musician!" Phoebe exclaimed excitedly, "there's my life-long dream accomplished."

Mike grinned at her in amusement. "Your life long dream has been to have a fling with a musician?" he asked slowly.

"Hell yeah! And to meet James Brolin…but that's a totally different thing."

Mike laughed at her. "Ok. What is it _you _do?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her.

"I'm a freelance masseuse. And I play guitar." Phoebe shrugged. "That's about it."

"That's really great Phoebe," Mike smiled softly, "I was afraid you were going to be some top classy business woman."

"And I'm _not _classy?" Phoebe asked, wide-eyed.

Mike's mouth dropped open, realising what he had just did. "Oh no, no!" He exclaimed, "I didn't mean it like that! You're still _way _out of my league…"

Phoebe giggled. "Shut up." She told him.

Mike kissed her softly on the lips. "So…um…I guess you're going to give me some tasks to do?"

Phoebe tilted her head thoughtfully. "Ok…will you play one of your songs for me?" she asked finally.

"Is that it?" Mike smiled. "I would be honoured to play for you Phoebe Buffay."

"And this…" Phoebe motioned between them, "all this touchy-feely stuff must stop. We have to be _professional _about this."

Mike lifted his hands up. "Ok, you're the boss." He said mischievously.

"I mean it." Phoebe looked at him apologetically. "Last night was _really _good…but I'm not really looking for a long term relationship right now."

Mike's face dropped a fraction of a second then he smiled at her. "Oh, yeah…sure. Neither am I."

"Ok, that's settled then." Phoebe said briskly, standing up. "I'm going to the bathroom. Maybe you can make me some breakfast?"

Mike nodded. "Sure."

"I could get used to being pampered like this." Phoebe said, walking out of the room.

"I could get used to pampering you too." Mike said quietly to himself, walking into the kitchen.

* * *

"My god Janice, these seats are _great_." Joey marvelled, "how the hell did you manage to _get _these tickets?"

The thunderous roars from the crowds behind them as half-time was announced made Joey have to shout at Janice, but she was still able to hear him.

"My ex-husband knows a friend of a friend of one of the players." Janice shouted.

"Wow!"

"It's nothing special."

"So… you still in contact with Gary?" Joey questioned.

"Well, through our daughter really," Janice shrugged, "we have equal access to her."

"The divorce must've been tough," Joey said sympathetically. Then he berated himself. What was he doing asking Janice personal questions? He _hated _her!

"He cheated on me. I wasn't going to stay with him after that."

"I bet you wanted to scratch the girl's eyes out!"

"Actually… the _guy's_ eyes out." Janice corrected, smiling slightly.

Joey choked on his popcorn. "He…he's…"

"Gay? Yes." Janice rolled her eyes.

"Holy god." Joey laughed then quickly sobered up, "sorry, it's just…"

"I know. I laugh too sometimes." Janice smiled sadly, "I can't believe I never saw it before."

"Hey, it wasn't your fault," Joey consoled, "how were you supposed to know? The guy had a _child _with you!"

"That was his idea as well," Janice grinned, "I guess he was kinda in denial."

Joey whistled softly. "Yeah. I suppose he was."

The two sat in silence for a while, listening to the chants from the crowds.

"Don't feel so bad," Joey turned to her, "I've got a friend who got into exactly the same situation four years ago!"

"Really? Who?" Janice asked, wide-eyed.

Joey smiled at her shocked face. "Ross."

Janice threw her head back and laughed. "Ross _Geller _is gay?!"

"No, no!" Joey exclaimed, "I didn't mean _that_." He chuckled. "That would be funny though. And freaky. It was his wife."

"Don't they have a son?" Janice questioned thoughtfully, "I think I remember Chandler saying something about Ross being a father."

"Yeah, that's Ben. He lives with Ross' ex-wife and her 'live-in lover'." Joey grinned. "It works though."

"Wow." Janice giggled. "Your friends have very dysfunctional relationships."

"Oh yeah. You should have been around during the whole 'we were on a break' situation between Ross and Rachel."

"No? They're not together anymore?! Tell me more!" Janice sat up and fixed her animated gaze on Joey.

Suddenly, for one brief moment, Joey realised what Chandler had seen in Janice.

He had never met anyone who paid him such rapt attention before. Janice's resolute face, her appreciation of his jokes… they almost seemed…endearing.

Her laughter still cut through him, but that didn't seem to matter so much. It _suited _her somehow. Everything came together – it was the whole package.

And Joey found himself being drawn to it.

* * *

Chandler checked his watch. 7.30pm. it was time to walk across the hall to take Monica to Richard's party.

He looked at the mirror and smoothed his hair through with a comb. The fading blonde highlights shone through from the roots and he smiled proudly. His white shirt and blue tie matched perfectly with the black jacket and trousers. In his mind's eye, he thought he looked decent enough to pass himself off as Monica's boyfriend for a few hours.

He straightened his tie and went to meet her out in the hallway.

As soon as Monica walked out of her apartment door, Chandler sucked in his breath. She looked devastatingly beautiful with a black sleeveless dress that trailed all the way down to her ankles. Her black sandals just peeked out underneath. Her short hair was pinned back into a wavy bun.

"Hey," she greeted, smiling. She indicated between them. "We match!"

"Um…hey…Monica," Chandler stuttered.

Monica giggled and blushed. "You're sweet. I'm sure I don't look _that _great."

"Oh you do," Chandler said, shaking his head in amazement.

Monica held out a short, dark blue coat. "Could you help me get this on?" she asked, "it's a little awkward…"

"Um…sure." Chandler hesitantly took the coat and Monica turned around. He slipped the coat into her arms, smelling the scent of her perfume from her neck.

"Oh no, wait, I forgot Michelle's present," Monica said hurriedly, walking back into her apartment.

When the door shut, Chandler let out a huge sigh and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Get it together man!" he chastised himself, "stop with the doe-eyes!"

Monica came back out and smiled at him. "Are you ready?"

"Yes!" Chandler said, grinning. "Let's go shock Richard!"

He began to walk down the hallway.

"Ahem…" he heard Monica mutter. He turned around and faced her.

"What?"

"If we're going to be convincing about this, we need to act like we're a couple straight away." Monica pointed out. "What if we see any guests on the way?"

Chandler rolled his eyes. "You want me to hold your hand?"

"It's only for a while," Monica reminded him, linking her right hand with his left.

"Hey…this isn't bad," Chandler mused as they began to walk down the hallway.

"It's weird." Monica added, smiling up at him.

"Thanks a lot." Chandler gave out a short laugh

"I mean…good weird." Monica corrected, looking straight ahead and not meeting his eyes.

Chandler looked down at her strangely before deciding to let the comment go. Somehow though, he knew exactly what she was getting at.

**End of Chapter 4**

:keep the reviews coming if you want to find out what happens next! Conflicts and maybe romance galore! Hehe:****


	5. Chapter 5

:FB's MERGE - I am so honoured that I'm one of the topics of conversation there. It seems I have become a legend. Thank you everybody. This chapter is dedicated to all of my fans on the Internet.

Um… naughty stuff appears. It's not often I write like that! But it's tame-ish. You've been warned. :

**TOW the Auction**

**Chapter 5**

Monica and Chandler arrived outside Michelle's house shortly after 8pm.

"I still can't believe we're doing this," Chandler muttered at Monica as she knocked the door.

"Just smile and act natural," Monica advised, squeezing his hand.

"Yeah…sure…natural," Chandler coughed nervously as the door opened.

"Monica! Chandler!" Richard greeted them enthusiastically, "You've finally arrived. Come in!"

Monica gave Richard a huge grin and walked in to the hallway, dragging Chandler from behind.

"Let me take your coats," Richard took Chandler's coat and then helped Monica get out of hers. He pointed to a room on the left of the hallway. "The party has just got started. Ross and your parents are already here Mon."

"Thank-you," Monica smiled sweetly at Richard, gripping Chandler's hand in the most obvious way she could manage.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go in and enjoy the fun!" Richard pushed Monica and Chandler towards the room just as the doorbell rang. "Ahh, excuse me for one second…" he smiled apologetically at them and rushed away.

"He didn't even _notice_!" Monica exclaimed, turning to Chandler in shock.

"Well, he _is _busy," Chandler told her, looking around the room they had just entered.

"Yes but I was practically _drooling _all over you!" Monica pointed out, "I just don't understand it…what do _you_ think?"

Chandler grabbed a cocktail from a nearby buffet table and downed it in one gulp. "I suppose he's so used to seeing us together as friends it would never occur to him to think of us anything more." He replied.

Monica arched an eyebrow. "That cocktail had pure vodka in it I think…"

"I know." Chandler grinned at her, "You want one?"

"No," Monica said firmly, snatching away another glass Chandler was about to drink. "We need to stay focused."

"Why are we doing this again?" Chandler complained.

"We are doing this so I can prove to Richard that I'm _over _him." Monica reminded him. "How many more times do I have to tell you?"

"At least 20," Ross remarked as he walked over to them. He shook his head. "I can't believe you guys are doing this. You're taking this whole 'slave' thing a little too far."

"Oh believe me when I say I agree with you." Chandler looked at him sincerely.

Ross snorted. "You get to kiss my sister in a situation where it is impossible for me to kill you. You've just won the lottery my friend." He stared steely eyed at Chandler. "No tongues, got it?"

Chandler swallowed hard, remembering what had happened in Monica's apartment earlier that day. "Yeah, sure, whatever you say."

Monica narrowed her eyes at her brother. "I think Chandler and I are both old enough to decide for ourselves."

"Oh boy…is _this _going to be a fun night." Ross muttered, walking away.

* * *

On the other side of the room, Phoebe, Rachel and Joey were standing by the patio doors.

"How's Janice doing?" Rachel asked Joey teasingly.

"Um…well…she's ok." Joey said absentmindedly, picking at his plate full of food.

"I bet she's really putting you through it," Phoebe said sympathetically.

"Yeah…yeah she is." Joey continued to avoid eye contact with the girls. "Hey, do you reckon this pizza is ok?" He asked quickly, lifting up a slice.

Rachel looked at him closely. "Joey Tribbiani…your cheeks are red. Is there something you're not revealing to us?"

Joey turned redder. "No no. Janice is _really _putting me through it. Wow…what a day." He faked a yawn. "I am so _tired_."

"I'm sure." Rachel said sceptically, exchanging a quick glance with Phoebe.

Joey pulled nervously at his tie before pointing across the room. "Here's your waiter Phoebs!." He cried.

Phoebe grinned as Mike walked over with a plate full of food. "This is for the most beautiful woman in the room tonight." He said, bowing.

Phoebe giggled. "Thank you, my dear slave."

"It's my pleasure." Mike said, grinning.

"Hmm serving food, that's not a bad idea." Rachel murmured, looking thoughtfully over at Ross.

* * *

"Ok, here's Richard walking over to us right now," Monica whispered over to Chandler a while later. "Remember…be convincing."

Chandler casually draped an arm over Monica's shoulder and smiled at Richard. "Hey man, how's it going?"

Richard smiled at the pair. "Michelle is thrilled…and slightly drunk."

Monica laughed and cuddled up to Chandler. "That's to be expected."

"Um…yeah…" Richard glanced to and from Monica and Chandler and cleared his throat. "Um…Chandler? Could I have a word please?"

Chandler widened his eyes and glanced at Monica. She was mouthing, 'go on."

He followed Richard out into the gloomy, dark-lit garden and looked at him questioningly.

"I couldn't help noticing…you and Monica…" Richard stuttered.

"Um…yeah…I guess I should have told you that." Chandler mumbled.

"Is it serious?"

"Er…yes, yes I suppose it is." Chandler was suddenly beginning to feel nervous with the questions being thrown at him.

"Then I'm very happy for you…a little surprised maybe…but happy."

Chandler frowned a little. What _was_ it with everybody being so sceptical about this convincing 'relationship' with Monica? Was it _that _repulsive to see them together?

"Um…surprising?" he now asked casually, "what do you mean?"

Richard laughed shortly. "Oh come on Chandler…"

" 'Come on' what?" Now Chandler _really _wanted to know what was wrong with the 'idea' of him and Monica.

"Look Chandler, I really like you and all, I think you're great but…you're not really Monica's type."

"How do you know that?" Suddenly, Chandler felt so annoyed at getting his pride trodden on that he forgot he _wasn't _Monica's boyfriend. "Monica and I are fine…we're the perfect couple!"

Richard stepped back from Chandler and lifted up his hands. "Hey, calm down man. I never said you wasn't the perfect couple…it's just not obvious to the whole world, that's all."

"Well, let's _make _it obvious, shall we?" Chandler snapped, striding back into the house.

He located Monica by the buffet table with Joey and walked over to her quickly, determination spreading through him.

"Hey Chand—"Monica was cut off as Chandler grabbed her around the waist, pulled her towards him and planted a deep, passionate kiss right on her lips.

Joey's mouth dropped open.

Chandler pulled back, allowing both him and Monica to breathe.

"What…why…?" Monica stuttered, a blush creeping into her cheeks.

"I'm proving a point to someone, that's all." Chandler said, darting a triumphant look at Richard.

Monica followed the direction of his gaze and grinned. "Oh…I see." She said. She threw her arms around Chandler's neck and returned the kiss just as passionately.

"I'm really destined not to eat tonight," Joey groaned, looking away from the pair in disgust.

* * *

A while later and Chandler rushed to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He leaned against the wooden framework and sighed.

"What a night…" he muttered.

Now, every time Richard appeared to be staring at the 'couple', Monica would grab Chandler and kiss him passionately for several minutes.

He wasn't complaining about it, but it was tiring him out. And it was frustrating him in many _inappropriate _ways.

He felt the door being pushed against his back.

"Chandler?" Monica's voice called, "what are you doing? Open the door!"

Chandler rolled his eyes and let Monica walk in.

"Why are you hiding?" she demanded, "we should be embarrassing Richard some more!"

"I just want _one_ little _break_!"

Monica giggled. "Yeah, I suppose I'm getting a little carried away."

Chandler smiled wryly, "just a tad."

Monica leaned against the door. "Its fun though, isn't it?" she smiled mischievously at him.

"I guess seeing your brother _is _rather amusing." Chandler grinned, thinking of Ross' disgusted and horror-stricken face.

"I…didn't mean that." Monica smiled shyly at him.

"Oh…I…I…see." Chandler flushed awkwardly.

"I…um…maybe we should get back to the party?" Monica continued quickly.

"Yes, of course!" Chandler said hurriedly, walking over to open the door. Monica leaned forward slightly to move out of the way as Chandler bent to grab the handle. Their foreheads collided.

"Ow!" Monica winced.

"Yes, ow." Chandler rubbed his brow.

They made eye contact. Chandler still had his hand on the door handle, his arm still reached around Monica's waist. He had unwittingly trapped her between him and the door.

"I should move," Monica muttered, never breaking the eye contact.

"You should," Chandler agreed.

* * *

The next moment, Monica's lips were on his and he had removed his hand from the handle to her body. They crashed against the door, caught up in a passionate embrace.

"Oh my god you've no _idea_ how much I've wanted to do this tonight." Monica cried as Chandler kissed her lips feverishly. She pulled his body as close to her as she could. They both forgot where they were as the frustration that had been building up in them for the last 24 hours boiled over.

She fumbled with his tie, pulling it over his head and tossing it onto the floor. She helped him undo the buttons on his shirt, neither task going quick enough for them. She captured his lips in a kiss again, letting his tongue dance around in her mouth.

He lifted her dress up and then she undid his pants, pushing them down quickly.

They pushed hard into the woodwork as they both prepared to cross the line.

"Oh my god, Ross, give it a _rest_…you only served me one _drink_." a familiar voice cried on the other side of the door.

Monica and Chandler froze. They glanced wide-eyed at the door and then at each other. Monica groaned deeply. "Why _now_…"

The door handle moved as they heard Rachel try to get in.

"Don't move," Chandler mouthed frantically while pulling up his pants, picking up his tie and doing up the buttons on his shirt. Monica locked the door.

"Oh who locked the door?" Rachel moaned. "We need a place to talk Ross; this is the only private place I can think of."

Chandler dived in the bath, hiding behind the shower curtain. Monica quickly straightened her dress, tidied her hair and prepared to unlock the door again.

"Pull the flush!" Chandler hissed behind the curtain. "It'll be more convincing!"

Monica nodded and pulled the chain on the toilet. She then unlocked the door and gave Rachel and Ross a dazzling smile.

"Hey!" she greatly brightly, "sorry to keep you so long! Don't touch the pizza…" she laughed uncomfortably.

Rachel grimaced. "Geez Monica…too much information." She glanced at Ross. "We need to talk."

"Right…sure!" Monica widened her eyes, thinking of Chandler in the shower. Her brain flashed her back to her father's birthday party two years previously…she just hoped Rachel and Ross really _were _just going to _talk_.

She blushed as she thought of what she almost did _herself _in there…what must Chandler be thinking right now?

* * *

"So _why_ have you dragged me in here?" Ross asked, frowning as he watched Rachel check her eye makeup in the mirror.

She turned to face him and sighed. "We kind of left things up in the air at the office today," she explained, "I guess I just wanted to say sorry."

"For what?" Ross asked, confusion spreading all over his face. "You've got every right to be angry with me."

"I didn't need to make an example of you in front of everyone in the office," Rachel pointed out, "_No-one _goes to the bakery three times in a row." She smiled slightly.

Ross smirked and rolled his eyes. "Tell me something I _don't _know."

Rachel grinned and smoothed her hair out of her eyes. "So…are we cool?"

"Yeah, we're cool." Ross looked at her hesitantly. "Can we…hug? I miss the hugs…what happened to them?"

"The hugs stopped when we ruined our friendship," Rachel said quietly.

"It wasn't _all _bad," Ross smiled sadly, "we had good times."

"Yes…we did." Rachel leaned forward and gave him a hug. "I wouldn't go back and change it."

Ross looked at her in surprise. "Really?"

"Well, I really wish we didn't fight so much, and the whole break didn't happen but…" Rachel shrugged, "it was still good. I loved you."

"Me too," Ross said softly.

"I guess there is a part of me that _still_ loves you." Rachel added. She cleared her throat and opened the bathroom door. "You've got the rest of the night off." She said briskly, walking away.

Ross looked at his ex in wonder. She still loved him?

* * *

On the other side of the shower curtain, Chandler crouched in the bath, biting his nails nervously.

How did the bathroom get so _interesting_ all of a sudden?

He couldn't help grinning as he heard Ross walk out and shut the door. What a night.

**End of Chapter 5**

:For rating purposes, I edited Chandler and Monica's steamy scenes. The original was a little more intense lol.


	6. Chapter 6

:I am sorry that I have not updated this but all is explained in my profile. One small update: I'm going to lose my job. I was a temp at the company I work for 12 months and they just turned around and told me that I'm no longer needed. I was a _very _upset girl a month ago. And pretty much everyone else who I work with is upset too. They never offered me anything else, after all this time. That's management for you. To them we're just a bit of paper that they can throw in the bin. No warning at all.

Anyway, this chapter is a warm-up to some of the stuff that's going to happen next. :

**TOW the Auction**

**Chapter Six**

Later that night, Monica and Chandler walked home in silence. Chandler's head was spinning in shock. What the hell were they _thinking_? They were in Michelle's _bathroom_ for crying out loud!

He stole a glance at Monica, who was staring straight ahead, a slight flush in her cheeks. Was that embarrassment? Or was it the effects of the wine they had all consumed that evening?

He had to say _something_. The awkwardness between them right now was something new and unfamiliar.

He cleared his throat. "Um…Mon?" he asked quietly.

She glanced at him, her eyes meeting his in an uncertain way. "Yes?" she asked back just as quietly

"We…we need to talk." Chandler stuttered, stopping in the street.

Monica turned around and faced him. Their eyes met and they started to grin. "I think we do," she agreed.

"What _happened _tonight?" Chandler asked, running his hand through his hair.

"I think we just got a little carried away with the drinking and the whole situation we got ourselves into." Monica stated.

"You think?" Chandler chuckled.

"We should just forget about it." Monica suggested.

"I _so _agree." Chandler said quickly. "There's no need to get awkward about this at _all_."

"Right, so, we go back to the way things were this morning before this thing started." Monica decided, eyeing him warily.

"Yeah yeah, sure. Cool."

They fell silent and started walking again.

"Not that it was ever a 'thing' of course." Monica corrected after a couple of minutes.

"Yeah, we only kissed a _few_ times today…"

"…and we were drunk in the bathroom." Monica added.

"It didn't _mean _anything."

They stopped outside their apartments.

"Of course it didn't." Monica assured him. "It was just the situation…"

"…and the wine." Chandler reminded her.

They gazed into each other's eyes. Monica fumbled around behind her for the door handle and turned it. "Right…um…good night then." She said quickly.

"Uh-huh…yeah…um…breakfast in bed?" Chandler blurted out.

"What?" Monica widened her eyes.

"No no! I don't mean me having breakfast _in _your _bed_," Chandler quickly corrected, blushing, "I meant the other thing. My-my next task. Do-do you want breakfast in bed again?"

"Oh _right_!" Monica widened her eyes at him, realisation crossing her face. "Breakfast in bed is a good idea, so long as you don't poison me again."

"6a.m?" Chandler's eyes twinkled at her.

"Oh make it 7," Monica grinned at him, "I wouldn't want you to miss your beauty sleep."

"Oh I _do _need it." Chandler agreed.

"Ok so… good night."

"Good night."

Chandler walked into his apartment, shut the door and leaned against it. This was getting out of control. Was this going to happen every time they were alone together? He'd seen the look in Monica's eyes – she'd wanted him as badly as he'd wanted her.

"Easy Chandler," he muttered, "you'll get through this. You will not let it happen again. You will _not _let it happen again…"

The problem was…he _badly _wanted it to happen again. And he was almost certain Monica did too.

* * *

"Ok, so what is _really _going on with you and Janice?" Rachel asked in the cab home she was sharing with Ross and Joey.

Joey rolled his eyes. "_Nothing_ is going on."

"Oh come on, you _blushed _when I asked about her at the party!" Rachel grinned at him.

Ross, sitting in the middle, glanced between Rachel and Joey. "What are you two talking about?"

"Nothing," Joey snapped at him, staring out of the window.

"Joey has a crush on Janice." Rachel explained teasingly.

Ross widened his eyes in horror at Joey. "Oh…my…_god_."

"I do _not _have a crush on Janice." Joey denied hotly, "you know how I feel about her."

"Then why is it that _none _of us have heard you complain about her yet?" Rachel demanded. "You've just spent 12 hours with her. Isn't she driving you crazy?"

When Joey didn't answer, Ross studied Joey's face closely. "I don't think she is Rach."

"What are you two _talking _about?!" Joey blustered, "Of course she's driving me crazy! This is _Janice_ guys. I hate her."

"What did you two do today?" Ross questioned. "And if you lie, we'll just ask Janice."

Joey groaned. "Why did I decide to share a cab with you two tonight?" he grumbled.

"Come on Joey, what did she make you do?" Rachel encouraged.

"We-we had breakfast at Café Nero's…"

"Café _Nero's_?!" Rachel shrieked. "That is the classiest coffee house in the city! Did she pay?"

"Well…yeah." Joey replied quietly.

"Well you've certainly been suffering," Ross said, smirking.

"Hey, she got me out at 6a.m!" Joey exclaimed.

"Wow, I feel for you Joe, I really do." Ross continued sarcastically.

"Ignore him Joey," Rachel instructed, "what else did you and Janice do?"

"I'd rather not say." Joey muttered, blushing.

Rachel widened her eyes. "You _didn't_…"

"No, _no_!" Joey shook his head violently, "I didn't sleep with her."

"Well, what then?" Rachel gripped Ross' shoulder tightly and leaned over closer to Joey, eager to get this new piece of information from her friend.

"Ow Rachel, easy with the hand." Ross pushed Rachel away. He glared at Joey. "Just tell her dude."

"Ok, ok, we went to a Knicks game. Happy now?" Joey folded his arms, refusing to meet his friends' eyes.

"You went to the Knicks game?!" Ross and Rachel yelled.

"Hey, can you three keep it down back there?" the cab driver complained.

"Sorry man," Joey looked at the driver apologetically, "this conversation wasn't my idea."

"You're in love with her." Rachel teased.

"I _don't _think so." Joey laughed.

"I think you are." Rachel persisted in a sing-song voice.

"I don't think I am." Joey mocked Rachel's sing-song voice.

"Well, if you're not in love with her, then you're at least _attracted _to her." Rachel pointed out, "I saw the look on your face earlier. And the look you're wearing now."

"And what _is _this look that I'm wearing now?" Joey asked sarcastically.

"You're blushing and your eyes are hiding something. You're in complete denial." Rachel explained expertly.

"That is a load of garbage." Joey muttered.

"Oh just admit you like her!"

"I _don't _like her!"

"Yes you do!"

"No I don't!"

Ross leaned forward to the cab driver. "I promise I will give you a tip when this is over." He whispered in his ear.

"It had better be a big one." The driver muttered irritably.

* * *

"So when are you coming round tomorrow?" Phoebe asked down the phone. She checked her bedside clock. 3a.m. Wow. She had been talking to Mike for two hours.

"That's for _you_ to decide." Mike pointed out, laughing.

"I thought I would go easy on you and let you pick the time." Phoebe said teasingly.

"That is very thoughtful of you Miss Buffay."

"Don't get used to it." Phoebe warned, smiling to herself.

"Ok, how about not in the morning at _all_." Mike suggested.

"Oh I see…is that a hint you've been on the phone _way _too long tonight?" Phoebe pouted.

"No. I like talking to you." Phoebe heard Mike's soft, sincere voice down the receiver.

She couldn't help but agree with him. This wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to be on the phone to her slave, a complete stranger, at 3 in the morning. She wasn't supposed to be falling for him.

No. No, she wasn't falling for him. She wasn't going to let that happen.

"Um…I guess I'd better let you sleep," she told him now, swallowing hard.

"Are you ok Phoebe?" Phoebe's stomach pulled at the genuine concern in Mike's voice.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired, that's all." She tried to assure him. She let out a giggle. "It _is _3am you know."

"Really? Because I so did _not _know that!" Mike quipped.

"Good night Mike. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon." Phoebe laughed and hung up.

She leaned against her pillows and bit her nails, something she hadn't done in years.

"I'm not falling for Mike…I'm not falling for Mike…" she whispered to herself as she switched off the light.

So why couldn't she stop thinking about him?

* * *

Ross stared down at his cup of warm milk blankly. Nothing was going to make him fall asleep tonight, he realised that long before the clock struck 3a.m.

Did Rachel _really _still love him?

He got up from his couch and walked over to a small cupboard in the corner of the room. He opened it and pulled out a photo album. Inside it were pictures of Ross and Rachel at a happier time. One of the pictures showed the two of them on a double-date with Monica and Richard.

What a weird night _that _was. As much as Ross liked Richard, he had never been able to get used to the fact he was dating his little sister. Richard belonged on a racquetball court with Ross' dad, not in a nightclub, where the four of them had ended up that night.

Still, in the end, they'd had a pretty good time. Ross was able to forget who Monica was with when he started to dance with Rachel. She'd stared into his eyes so deeply…so _lovingly_…Ross remembered wanting to stare back into those eyes for the rest of his life.

Why had it all gone so wrong?

"Awww, crap," Ross moaned to himself, slamming the album shut. "This stuff is driving me crazy. Get over her man!"

**End of Chapter 6**

**:please**** review!:**


	7. Chapter 7

**:A**** new year and a new job for me, and here is something for you guys…a long time waiting! Not a lot going on here, but it sets up the next lot of events. Please review!:**

**TOW the Auction**

**Chapter 7**

Chandler knocked Monica's door with his left hand, balancing the breakfast tray on his right. "Good morning, sponsor of slavery," he called, "I have a feast fit for even the Queen of England!"

He waited for Monica to say she was decent, but no reply came. He raised his eyebrows in concern. "Hey Mon!" he called, "you gotta taste this, I _promise_ the eggs are cooked this time! Mon?"

Chandler pushed the door open with his foot and poked his head around. His gaze fell on Monica's bed, seeing the top of her head just sticking out of the sheets. Her face was hidden under the covers, her body curled up in a ball.

Chandler grinned and quietly set the tray down on the carpet. He tiptoed over to Monica's still form, climbed up onto the empty side of the bed and nudged her back.

Monica turned around and stared at him with tired eyes. "Wha-at?" she whined.

Chandler laughed at her, resting his elbow on the pillow to prop his arm up and lean his hand against the side of his head. "Had a little too much to drink last night huh?"

"What could you _possibly _want at this time in the morning?" Monica asked hoarsely, pulling the blankets up over her face again.

"You asked me to cook breakfast for you?" Chandler gently reminded her, not moving from his position.

He heard a groan come from beneath the sheets.

"I'm sorry… I did not _quite _catch that." Chandler teased, pulling the sheet off her.

"Me not want breakfast," Monica muttered, closing her eyes.

Chandler smirked. "I didn't know hangovers made people talk like that."

"Go'way."

"I guess they do." Chandler sighed and crawled off the bed. "Well it's too bad you're not hungry…you don't know what you're missing."

"I miss feeling alive." Monica whispered, curling up under the covers again.

Chandler picked up the tray and rested it on the bed. "Hmm…scrambled eggs on lightly toasted bread, hot bacon sandwiches and freshly squeezed orange juice." He glanced over at Monica, who had shifted slightly.

He picked up a sandwich and bit into it enthusiastically. "Oh wow…" he mumbled, his mouth full, "this is _awesome_…it tastes and smells _so _good."

"Ok, ok! I'm awake!" Monica yelped, sitting up furiously.

Chandler smiled and handed over the tray. Monica took it and rested it on her knees.

She looked down at the food and then back up at Chandler. "Is this…ok?" she asked cautiously.

Chandler rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Oh just eat it!" he grumbled good-naturedly, jumping back on the bed.

Monica tasted a bit of the bacon sandwich. She widened her eyes. "Wow…this is great." She murmured, biting into the rest of it eagerly.

Chandler's eyes danced with delight, "seriously?" he exclaimed.

Monica nodded and gave him the thumbs-up, still chewing on her food.

"Yes, yes!" Chandler lay back on the bed, putting his arms up above him. His shook his fists exultantly. "I'm the best!"

"If Rachel walked in on us right now, she's gonna think something is going on," Monica laughed, slapping Chandler round the head, "quit it."

"Speaking of 'something going on'…" Chandler dropped his arms down and rolled over on his side, facing Monica properly. "Are we still…you know…cool?"

Monica quickly swallowed down the rest of her food. "What do you mean?" she asked carefully.

Chandler looked meaningfully at her. "I mean are we cool about what happened last night?"

"I thought we discussed this when we got back," Monica said, quickly giving the tray back to Chandler and getting out of bed.

"Yeah…but…um…" Chandler stuttered, suddenly losing his speech as he watched his friend pace the room in just her silk nightgown. He watched as the material brushed against her bare legs.

"Chandler?" Chandler's mind snapped back into reality. He looked up at Monica, whose facial expression had taken on a mixture of surprise and pleasure.

"Yeah?" Chandler asked softly, searching her face, knowing she had caught him staring at her.

"It's just…um…" Monica stammered, flushing.

"What?" Chandler asked nervously.

"You're…sitting on my dress."

Chandler shot up like he had been stung. He looked at the pretty gown that he had successfully wrinkled up when climbing up on to the bed.

"There is such a thing as putting away your clothes the night before," he now pointed out sweetly.

"Not when you're drunk and can no longer see your closet." Monica replied.

They met eyes and grinned at each other. The awkwardness now disappearing, they laughed.

"I guess I'd better let you get dressed." Chandler decided, walking to the bedroom door. He opened it.

"Chandler…" Monica stopped him. He turned around.

"What?" he asked gently.

"We're cool."

Chandler smiled at her understandingly, nodded and walked out of the room.

* * *

Joey walked quickly through the doors of _Central Perk_, determined to find someone to talk to that was neither Ross nor Rachel. When it came to conversations with _those _two, last night's was enough for a lifetime.

He found Chandler sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper. He started to walk over before stopping again. Was Chandler _really _the right person to be talking to about this _particular _problem?

Then he realised he didn't really have a choice. It was odds-on that Chandler was going to find out eventually anyway.

"Hey man," he greeted casually, setting himself into the soft chair on Chandler's left.

"Hey," Chandler looked up from behind the paper. "What are you doing here? Janice stopped stalking you for a while?" he added, snickering.

Joey laughed uncomfortably. "Yeah…oh boy is _she _a difficult woman to handle." He knew he had to play along for a while before building up to what he had to confess to his friend.

Chandler put down the newspaper to one side and rolled his eyes. "Just when I thought she was out of our lives forever…_back _she comes."

"Yeah…um…about that…"

"I mean, what were the odds that _that _woman was going to be at a Bloomingdales Auction?" Chandler rambled on, "it had to be, like, a million to one or something."

"Yeah but…" Joey tried to interrupt Chandler's flow desperately.

"No matter where I go, and _what _I do, _Janice _follows me." Chandler continued; "she must have 'Chandler radar' on me."

"Yeah maybe," Joey murmured, rolling his eyes.

"She's _obsessed _with me Joe. She's acting like those birds that targeted Tippi Hedren!" Chandler caught Joey's bemused look. "I do _not _look like Tippi Hedren!"

"I never said you _did_, but anyway, as I'm trying to say…"

"She should go see someone about this," Chandler decided, "its not healthy for a woman to be so fixated on a guy."

"Chandler, will you just shut up for one second!" Joey exploded.

Chandler looked at him in shock. "What?" he demanded.

"I am _trying _to tell you something." Joey snapped.

Chandler sighed. "Ok. I'm sorry." He said sincerely. "This whole auction has been sending me crazy. What's wrong?"

"It isn't so much a problem as more of an awkward distraction really…" Joey mumbled, suddenly feeling too aware of the affects that his 'problem' might do to Chandler's sanity.

" 'distraction'?" Chandler questioned, confused, "what do you mean Joe?"

"I…like someone." Joey admitted, flushing deeply.

Chandler broke into a grin. "Really? Who is it?" he asked eagerly.

"Before I tell you I just want to say that you're my best friend and if you're not happy about this, then I'll back off…"

Chandler widened his eyes. "God Joe, _who _is it?"

"Well…"

"Oh god, it's not my _mom _is it?" Chandler groaned. "She needs therapy."

Joey looked at Chandler in disgust. "_No_!"

"Thank god," Chandler smiled in relief. "Nothing can get worse than_ that_."

"Oh I don't know…" Joey laughed uncomfortably. "You don't know who it is yet."

The smile faded from Chandler's face. "Monica?" he whispered.

Joey sat silently for a moment, watching the devastation cross Chandler's face. Right from the beginning Joey had never quite understood Chandler and Monica's relationship. It seemed like despite the fact that Chandler had a phobia of commitment and Monica being the exact opposite of that, they'd be absolutely perfect for one another. She would help him 'grow', and he would help her neuroticism to calm down. It was obvious they were crazy about each other, but relationships with other people had got in the way – Richard then Kathy – and helped them deny it.

"Dude, it isn't Monica, no way man." Joey now assured him.

"It isn't Monica?" Chandler's eyes lit back up.

"No. And even if it was Monica, there would be no way she'd date _me_."

"Yeah, right," Chandler replied sadly.

Joey rolled his eyes slightly. This guy really needed to get some self-esteem. Monica was head over heels in love with him, but he just couldn't see it.

Seeing the hopelessly confused look on Chandler's face, Joey wanted to shake him.

The positive side to all this was that now he could tell a daydreaming Chandler about Janice.

"Um…so the _real _woman I like," he said, clearing his throat.

Chandler looked at him with interest again. "Yeah?"

"It's um…now please don't freak out, we're in a public place."

"Oh just _tell_ me," Chandler cried out in frustration. "I promise I won't freak. Geez."

"It's…um…Janice." Joey replied very quietly. He watched as Chandler stiffened. "Um…are you…ok with that?"

Chandler leaned forward in his seat and began to laugh. "Oh my god!" he gasped out.

"What?" Joey asked, his eyes widening at Chandler's reaction.

Chandler slapped Joey on the shoulder and wiped his eyes free of laughter tears. "You-you really had me going there for a minute," he told him, giggling, "come on, who is it?"

Joey swallowed hard. This wasn't going to be pretty. If Chandler thought it was a _joke_… "I told you, it's Janice." He muttered, wincing as he waited for the outburst.

Chandler smirked. "Yeah and Yasmine Bleeth wants to marry me. I mean, come…on…" Chandler trailed off as Joey looked tellingly at him, "Oh…my…_god_! No way, just _no _way."

"Way." Joey replied simply, a small smile on his face.

"_You _and Janice?!" Chandler freaked, standing up. He lifted his hands to the top of his head, wiping them through his hair. "You and-and _Janice_?!"

"Oh come on man, you said you would not freak out." Joey complained as everyone looked up from various tables around the coffee house.

"_Not_ freak out? _Not _freak_ out_?" Chandler asked, his voice suddenly going unnaturally high. "I have just heard you, Joey Tribbiani, practically say that you're in love with _Janice_. Um…_hello_?!! Do you not _remember _the last four years? You hate her. You wanted to rip your arm off because you hated her so much."

"Things change." Joey mumbled, "and I didn't say I _loved _her."

"Oh _well_, and that makes everything so different." Chandler said sarcastically, flopping back down on the couch. He looked silently at Joey for a moment, searching his face. "What _did _change?" he asked quietly.

"She's…" Joey paused and frowned thoughtfully. Why _did _he like Janice now? "Friendly." He replied finally.

Chandler arched an eyebrow. "You're attracted to Janice because she's 'friendly'." He echoed.

"She listens to what I say." Joey tried to explain, his face taking on an obstinate look, "which is more than what I can say for _you_ guys sometimes."

Chandler gave him a wounded look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know…it's just sometimes I feel like the odd-one out, you know?"

"You're not the odd-one out…" Chandler protested.

"Yes I am." Joey insisted. "If we have a debate – like if Rachel and Ross should date other people – if you or Monica or _anyone _has an opinion, everyone listens to it. If _I _have something to say, I get the weird looks like it was the most stupid comment you guys have ever heard. I'm the guy at the back of the classroom with his hand raised…only no-one wants to call on me."

"I…I had no idea you felt like that." Chandler uttered.

"It's not all the time," Joey hastily added, looking guilty, "but it's hard to get your attention sometimes. Be honest, do you actually _know_ myopinion on Ross and Rachel's 'break'?"

"Well…no." Chandler admitted, looking down at his hands.

"Well here it is. Chloe and Mark did not break Ross and Rachel up. They were just the excuse Ross and Rachel _needed_ to bail. There was nothing wrong with the relationship at all, it fell apart over other things and they let it happen. It's both their faults."

"I don't understand your point." Chandler said, looking confused.

"Everything that Ross hated, Rachel did. Everything that Rachel hated, Ross did. That's relationships. They can't agree on everything, no-one can. But they let their differences destroy the rest of what they had _weeks _before Chloe ever happened and they just didn't know it. And over what? Their careers and some guy called Mark? All couples do something they can't agree on – it doesn't mean everything has to end."

"So they should have put up with each other's flaws?" Chandler questioned, "is that what you're trying to say?"

"_Yes_." Joey said in exasperation. "The problem with Ross and Rachel is that they wanted to date someone who was a version of themselves. Ross wanted Rachel to be someone who loved palaeontology. Rachel wanted Ross to take an interest in clothes. They should have appreciated the other for who they already were, not for what they wanted them to be."

"So they're not matched as a couple?"

"They _are_ matched. They were fine over the other stuff. They had fun on dates, they talked, they were affectionate…but as soon as it started getting serious they let the little things destroy them. And that's the sad thing. They need to get over themselves – they need to talk about their differences and accept each other. Rachel needs to understand that Ross was upset and drunk that night. Ross needs to admit that it wasn't just Rachel bailing on _him_, which was his excuse for sleeping with Chloe. He was bailing too. Once they realise they were just scared of the next step, and nothing else, things will be ok between them again." Joey paused and shrugged. "That's what I think anyway. As I said, my opinion doesn't matter."

"Yes it does, Joe, it really does." Chandler said earnestly. "You've just solved Ross and Rachel's whole problem. They gotta accept the other for who they are. It's so simple."

"Yeah and that's what I've done with Janice. Too bad she doesn't know that yet. And you seriously need to talk to Monica."

"What?" Chandler looked at him in alarm, "what do you mean?"

Joey just grinned at him and walked to the counter to get some food.

Chandler craned his neck around and looked at Joey's back. "Seriously, what have I got to talk to Monica about?" he demanded again.

Joey ordered a muffin and turned back around to face Chandler, shaking his head as he did so. "You're afraid that Monica doesn't like you for who you are. You couldn't _be _more wrong. She doesn't care if you have issues with commitment, she'll help you through it. Richard was wrong when he said you're not her type. You are _so _her type man! She likes caring, sensitive guys." Joey paused and pointed to Chandler. "Hello?! She likes guys with a sense of humour…hey you make preparing _breakfast _funny. She likes good kissers…so _I_ don't know that about you, but I think she likes doing that with you. Trust me on that."

Chandler flushed. "I dunno…"

"Don't give me that look. I know stuff has happened between the two of you. At Richard's party those burgers were making me feel nauseous. So I went outside for some air. I stopped nearby the bathroom window…I saw it all." Joey winked and smiled.

"You…you…?" Chandler stuttered. "Saw what exactly?"

"The two of you skipping through all the bases against the door," Joey's smile turned into a grin. "I know there wasn't a lot of time but _man_…it sure was frisky!"

"Oh god…" Chandler buried his head into his hands.

"Too bad Ross and Rachel ruined it all for you, huh?" Joey bit into his muffin and sat down. "You should have seen your faces…talk about deer staring into headlights!"

"Ok…you can stop now." Chandler muttered.

"And when you walked back into the living room..." Joey chuckled, almost choking on his mouthful of food. "The tension was suffocating. I saw the looks you two gave each other opposite sides of the room. It was hot. Like something out of a movie."

"We weren't giving _any _looks!" Chandler protested, standing up and putting on his coat. "I…I gotta go." He mumbled, walking out of the coffee house.

"Well that went well." Joey said to himself, grinning wickedly. "Don't think there'll be any taunts about Janice for a while."

**End of Chapter 7**

:if no-one got the Tippi Hedren reference, let me know and I'll explain it next time.:


	8. Chapter 8

**:thank**** you for the great reviews, keep them coming because the action is about to pick up:**

**TOW the Auction**

**Chapter Eight**

"That is _it_. I have had _enough_ of this." Ross announced, walking into Chandler and Joey's apartment.

Chandler, sitting on his stool by the breakfast bar, looked up from the bowl of cereal he was about to start eating. Thanks to Joey's home truths the previous evening, Chandler had not had the best night's sleep. Half of the night he had been trying to think of ways to keep his feelings for Monica under control. One idea was to avoid Monica at all costs – a little difficult considering he lived across the hall from her and was currently her slave.

Chandler felt he really was not up to listening to one of Ross' 'things' that morning.

"What?" he now asked tiredly.

"For two whole days I have done _everything _that she has asked me to do," Ross continued, "you would _think _it being my last day as her 'slave' that she'd go easy on me wouldn't you? But, of course, _no. _That would be too much to expect from Rachel! I gotta go to lunch with some of the _directors_ of Bloomingdales. I've got to 'suck it up'."

Chandler smirked. "Well that's just torture. You get to have your lunch paid for by some powerful rich guys. How _will_ you cope?" Chandler stood up and rolled his eyes, not believing what he was hearing.

"Chandler these people will think I know the clothing industry! They'll wanna know my _opinions_." Ross emphasised the point, glaring hard at Chandler. "It will be a disaster. I don't know anything Rachel knows, she's doing this to get back at me."

"For what exactly?" Chandler looked at Ross in alarm. What had happened between those two _now_?

"For insulting that warehouse manager on my first day," Ross snapped, "it wouldn't surprise me if the guy we're meeting is him."

"Oh come on Ross, Rachel wouldn't do that. It's her career. She isn't going to mess it up just to get revenge on an old boyfriend. She will just want some company and moral support at this thing."

Ross sighed, looking away from Chandler's look of contempt. "Yeah maybe…"

"Rachel is probably terrified right now," Chandler continued, "Remember when I first got promoted and I sat in on my first meeting? I spent the entire previous day wanting to go to the bathroom. I was so scared that I was going to say the wrong stuff at the wrong moment. I was really eager to please my boss, and that's what Rachel will be thinking right now. The directors probably told her to bring a friend for sociable reasons – maybe one of them has a wife? You never know."

Chandler sat back down and scooped up some cereal. "My point is this – stop complaining. You should be your sister's slave for a while. The time is now 8.15a.m. I have 15 minutes left of 'my time.'"

Ross furrowed his brow. "My time?" he echoed questioningly.

"As I have no work today, Monica has got a whole rota for my last day as her slave," Chandler explained, chewing on his cereal. "From the time I get up until 8.30 is 'my time'. At 8.30a.m I've gotta make her breakfast. At 8.55a.m I've got to start dialling a number for a Ralph Lauren catalogue. I'm to order this…" Chandler paused, picked up a small piece of paper and read from it, "one pair of black slim heel, slip-on evening shoes. They are on sale, 50 off, limited availability. The sale starts at 9a.m. I'm probably gonna be in line on that phone for a couple of hours."

"Wow." Ross widened his eyes. "Then what?"

"I must perform whatever task Monica comes up with. Then I must sit through a whole afternoon of _Days of Our Lives_."

"Um…why?"

"Nurse Jenny is getting killed _off_." Chandler explained in a mocking excitable tone. "They're having a two _hour_ special."

"Say no more. I think I work for the lesser of two evils here." Ross interrupted, laughing.

Chandler scowled. "I hope you choke on the disgusting delicacies they'll serve you."

Ross grinned and opened the apartment door. "Have a good day." He called, walking out.

Chandler rolled his eyes as the door shut behind Ross' back. He breathed a sigh of relief at the temporary peace in his life.

Then the phone started to ring.

"Here goes." Chandler held the receiver to his ear. "Yeah?" Using his other hand, he picked up the TV remote and started to surf channels.

"Am I a bad person?" a voice demanded over the line.

Chandler paused and smiled in bemusement. That didn't sound like Monica. "Rachel?"

"Hi. Am I a bad person?" Rachel persisted.

"Um…no." Chandler paused on a channel showing one of his favourite commercials.

"Then why do I feel so _guilty_ right now?" Rachel moaned.

"Um I don't know Rach…why _do_ you feel so guilty?" Chandler rolled his eyes once again and sat down on his barker lounger. Had his day extended to being a councillor to his friends?

"I've just had Ross storm out of my apartment. I asked him to go to lunch with my directors today and he's gotta spend a couple of hours sucking up to complete strangers. Am I being too hard on him? Ross _never_ likes to suck up to people; you should have seen him with my _dad_."

Chandler chuckled. "I heard stories."

"Right so what do you think I should do? Should I tell Ross to forget it? Or go ahead with this as planned?"

"Go ahead with it," Chandler advised, "I just talked to him about this. He'll be fully supportive."

"Really?" Chandler caught the surprised tone in Rachel's voice. "He's not mad at me?"

"Well, yeah, he's _mad _at you." Chandler laughed; "but when is he _not_ mad at you? Relax, he's going."

"Wow. I…I…that's great," Rachel sighed over the line in relief. "This is such a weight off my mind. The last thing I need at this meeting is for Ross to be all hostile."

"What's going on Rachel?" Chandler asked quietly, frowning in concern.

"Joanna recommended a promotion." Rachel replied, breathing deeply.

"That is _great_," Chandler said sincerely, "what's the job?"

"I'll be in charge of the promotion of the new winter line coming up!" Rachel exclaimed excitedly; "someone will just walk into _my_ office and say 'hey, do you like these pants' and I'll say 'yeah, I'll include them in the catalogue'. How cool would that _be_?"

Chandler grinned at his friend's enthusiasm. "It does sound pretty cool."

"It's a great job. This lunch is like an interview; I must make a good impression."

"Well, you go girl." Chandler told her, punching a fist in the air.

"That's cute Chandler, but stop saying that."

"Ok."

"I'd better go; Monica is trying to wrestle the phone off me. She wants to talk to you."

Chandler groaned. "Ok. Good luck Rach."

"Chandler, get your little butt over here right _now_." Monica said urgently.

"It's not 8.30 yet." Chandler pointed out.

"I don't care, just get over here."

Chandler replaced the receiver and sighed. "And the nightmare begins."

* * *

Phoebe groaned softly as she heard the intercom to her apartment go off.

"Ok hang on…" she called, getting out of bed.

The intercom buzzed again.

"Hang _on_!"

Phoebe stumbled out of the apartment, walked across her living room and pressed the button on the wall. "Who is it?"

"It's Mike."

Phoebe smiled widely and cleared her throat. "Oh…yeah?" she asked, trying to sound aloof.

"Can I come on up?"

"Um…this isn't a good time." Phoebe stammered, looking down at her wrinkled pyjamas.

"Why not?"

"I'm…not dressed."

Mike laughed. "Phoebe, I'm sure you look fine in pyjamas…or lingerie now that I come to think about it."

Phoebe flushed. "Mike…"

"Sorry."

"It's ok, but is this important? I don't have a job for you yet."

"It _is _important…depending on your point of view."

"O-k. Um…then I guess I should let you in." Phoebe released the button and waited for Mike to walk up to her apartment. She grabbed a dressing gown from her bedroom and quickly wrapped it around herself. She really wished her hair wasn't such a mess.

She opened the door and let Mike in.

"Hey. So…what's up?" Phoebe brushed a strand of hair from her face, but it only fell back down again.

"Phoebe…" Mike paused and smiled awkwardly at her. "There's been something on my mind recently."

Phoebe looked closely at him. "Did you sleep at _all _last night?" she enquired, "you look tired."

"No, I was too busy thinking." Mike pulled at his collar, looking at her nervously.

"About what?"

"You."

Phoebe looked at him blankly. "What?"

"When I'm not with you, I'm thinking about you all the time." Mike said, eyeing her softly.

Phoebe blushed. "You are?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. Do you have that going on too?"

Phoebe stepped back, looking distressed. "Mike, I don't think we should be talking about this. You're confused…"

"Phoebe, I am _not _confused." Mike said firmly, "I really like you. And I think you like me." Mike stepped closer to her.

"I told you I can't commit right now…"

"Why not?" Mike met her eyes. "Is there a reason?"

Phoebe stared silently at him for a moment. "Mike, every relationship I've ever been in fell apart within a month. They've never been long term. I'm no good with this kind of stuff."

"Maybe the _guys_ you were with weren't good at that kind of stuff." Mike pointed out.

"Are you any different?" Phoebe demanded softly, "would you hurt me?"

"Never," Mike said sincerely, reaching up to brush away the strand of hair hanging across Phoebe's face.

"So…you have no interest in going to Minsk?"

Mike paused and frowned at her, confused. "What?"

"You're not going to dump me if I told you I'm a fire hazard because I like lighting candles during outdoor picnics?"

"Again…what?"

Phoebe grinned. "Nothing, it doesn't matter." She wrapped her arms around Mike's shoulders. "You like me." She added, realisation crossing her face.

"Yes." Mike laughed, rubbing his nose across hers. "Although, we might have to talk about the fire hazard thing…"

"Mike, I like you too." Phoebe interrupted, smiling softly.

"Good, but you should know I sniff the occasional magic marker." Mike said, pulling back as Phoebe reached up to kiss him.

"Well, we'll have to talk about that too." Phoebe replied, kissing him.

* * *

"Richard just called." Monica said as Chandler walked into the apartment.

"He did?" Chandler asked suspiciously.

Rachel cleared her throat and picked up her bag. "…and I'm leaving." She muttered. As she opened the door she leaned over to Chandler. "Whatever you do, don't say yes." She whispered.

"Say yes to what?" Chandler asked, looking at her wildly.

Rachel arched an eyebrow and left.

"So, Richard called." Monica repeated shrilly.

"Yes…" Chandler said slowly.

"He wants us to go on a double date with him and his girlfriend, Rita."

Chandler looked at her blankly. "Excuse me?"

"You and I are going on a double date tonight with Richard and some woman called Rita."

Chandler gave a short laugh. "Well, I think we know that isn't _really_ going to happen."

Monica shot him a desperate look.

Chandler widened his eyes at her. "You said yes."

"Maybe," Monica said quietly.

"I don't believe this. You said _yes_?"

"What else was I supposed to say!" Monica shouted.

"You could have said, 'that's very nice of you to ask, but I might have to pass on that idea!'"

"But then he would have asked why I said no!"

"How about 'you're my ex-boyfriend and saying yes would make it awkward, especially adding to the fact Chandler isn't _really _my new boyfriend.'"

"Hey, hang on just a second. I seem to remember how you were quite _willing_ to accept Richard's party invite only two days ago!" Monica looked at him pointedly.

"Double dates is a whole other thing!" Chandler protested, looking at her in exasperation, "if I had realised that simple meeting with him outside Central Perk was going to cause all this madness then I wouldn't have _considered_ telling you about it!"

"Oh, I see, so now you'd prefer to keep secrets from me?" Monica asked sweetly.

"No, _no. _That is _not_ what I meant." Chandler widened his eyes at Monica in alarm.

"Chandler, can't you see what Richard is trying to do? He wants to break us up!We have to show him he can't beat us. We will be the perfect couple!" Monica's eyes shined in delight.

"Monica, you are really scaring me now. You are going round the _bend_. Please just call Richard back and tell him the truth."

Monica flushed. "I can't tell him we lied. Listen, it's just for one night."

"No Mon."

Monica pulled Chandler to the kitchen table and sat him down. She sat across from him. "It's one night and I'll pay."

"No." Chandler glared at her. "We can't do this. I can't go on a fake double date with you. It's ridiculous."

"Chandler!" Monica wailed. "You're supposed to be my friend."

"I _am_ your friend, and as your friend I'm telling you that you are _crazy_. Mon, you don't have to try to prove to Richard that everything about your life is great. He doesn't have to know if you have a boyfriend or not, it's none of his damn business."

"I…I just don't want him to think my life is sad…"

"It's _not _sad Mon." Chandler reached across the table and held her hands. "You have great friends and a nice place to live. You don't have to _prove_ to him that you're a great person, he should know that already."

Monica gave him a small smile. "Thanks."

"Everyone is allowed to be insecure sometimes."

"I know."

They looked silently at one another for a minute.

"So when does this date start?"

"I thought you didn't want to go?" Monica said in surprise. "It's 8pm."

"Just promise me that you won't go over-the-top this time."

"Well, you appeared to enjoy it, but ok I promise." Monica grinned. "Thanks."

"I'll be getting my revenge tomorrow." Chandler quipped, grinning back. "I can live through an evening making small talk on that thought alone."

"Oh, yes, we switch roles." Monica smiled painfully.

"I'm really going to put you through it you know." Chandler said playfully, standing up.

"It's not until tomorrow." Monica glanced at her watch. "Call Ralph Lauren please, I want those shoes."

"Yeah I'll do it but, first, you just won't believe what Joey told me last night…"

* * *

"I didn't know you were so keen," Janice teased Joey, letting him in her apartment later that day.

"I'm not but thinking of tomorrow will get me through it," Joey shot back, smiling.

"Oh I see… you're playing it like that." Janice rolled her eyes.

"So where's this bathroom you want me to clean?" Joey asked, wincing at the thought of it.

Janice grinned at him. "I really appreciate this."

"Hey, it's ok. I've sprained a wrist. I know how painful it is, believe you me. I bet it's even worse with an ankle."

Janice looked down at her bandaged right ankle, nodding. "The doctor gave me some pills to help."

"When you called me saying that you had to spend the morning in hospital, I couldn't believe it. What happened?"

Janice flushed. "You'll laugh at me."

"No I won't." Joey dug his elbow in her arm. "Come on, tell how you did it."

"I was walking through the village and I dropped my purse down one of those open sewage drains…"

"Ok," Joey encouraged, giving her a mystified look.

"There was no way I was going to lose my purse so I knelt down, putting my hands on the ground to balance myself, and had a look down the hole. It was too dark to see so I leaned further down…"

"Oh my god…" Joey grinned in spite of himself.

"Anyway, I was putting so much pressure on my heels that one of them broke…I fell down the hole and landed on some kind of little ledge that the workers must be using to stand on. It killed my ankle."

"How…how did you get out?" Joey asked, laughing hard.

"Somebody was kind enough to stop and pull me out. It is _not _funny." Janice slapped Joey's arm.

"Janice, you just told me you fell down a sewage drain. I'm sorry, but if Chandler knew he'd be using that line at parties."

Janice smiled ruefully. "Well, I got my purse back." She muttered.

"Yeah I bet you did." Joey chuckled.

"If you don't stop laughing I'll throw you out." Janice threatened.

Joey put his hands up in surrender. "Ok, I'll shut up now." He looked at her thoughtfully. "Why don't you say let's forget about the bathroom and I'll buy you lunch instead?"

Janice blinked. "What?"

"I want to…to take you out for lunch." Joey muttered bashfully.

Janice smiled. "I thought you hated me."

"Not so much." Joey said, shrugging.

"Why do you want to take me out for lunch?" Janice asked, looking at him curiously.

"Because."

"Because what?"

"Because nothing. I just want to buy you lunch." Joey avoided Janice's eyes.

Janice grinned in realisation. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

"No, not a _date_; I just want to buy you lunch to cheer you up about the sprained ankle." Joey flushed.

Janice smiled at him knowingly. "Ok, I'll just get my crutches."

"Sorry?"

"I mean yes."

Joey grinned. "I can buy you lunch?"

"Yes." Janice giggled. She hopped into her room and shut the door.

Joey punched his fist into the air and bought it down just in time to see Janice come back out with crutches.

"You're still cleaning the bathroom after." She told him, hobbling to the door.

**End of Chapter 8**

:next up, what's going on with Ross and Rachel's lunch appointment? And what happens on the fake double date? And when everyone switches roles, what's going to happen then? Find out soon! haha:


	9. Chapter 9

**: I have a good reason for updating today. I was at the Formula 1 racing this afternoon and there was this really united atmosphere; a feeling that we won't let 'people' scare us. 100,000 fans, listening to the special inclusion of our national anthem; it was pretty moving. This chapter is dedicated to everybody who was killed on ****07/07/05****. I really hope this world gets peace someday.**

**A couple of months ago, when I started to write this chapter, the first half was going to be about Ross and Rachel's lunch appointment and the second half was going to be about Monica's and Chandler's night with Richard and his girlfriend. However, as I started writing about Ross and Rachel's crazy day, it got so interesting to me that it became twice as long as it was meant to be. Throw in Janice and Joey's lunch date and you have a pretty wild scenario. You can imagine the predicament, it took me a while to decide whether or not to have one chapter about lunch AND the dinner date or have them split into two chapters. At one point I took a break from the whole thing and went and tried my hand at _West Wing_ fanfic, which tested my creativity and did my over-worked brain a world of good. In the end, I felt the two main ships deserved a chapter each. The result being is that most of this chapter is about what happened at lunch-time on Day 3. Don't worry, Monica and ****Chandler**** do come into the chapter as well, but that's really just a teaser for what will be coming in chapter 10 which is almost exclusive to them.**

**TOW the Auction**

**Chapter Nine**

"This place is great," Ross said conversationally. "It's nice some cities still have cafés that set their tables outside." He adjusted the umbrella that was shading their table and glanced sideways at Rachel, who was rubbing her temples continuously. "Rachel, you really need to _relax_."

"I can't until this is over with." Rachel glanced at her watch. "We've been here ages. They're late."

"No they're not. We're just spectacularly early." Ross pointed out. "In fact, we got here a whole hour earlier than we needed to. Don't you think that was going overboard?"

"Oh stop complaining Ross. _I've_ been paying for the cappuccinos haven't I?"

"Yeah, and my bladder is about to burst…"

"Oh my god, here he is!" Rachel interrupted, immediately standing up and smoothing her suit down.

A tall good looking man with short, slightly greying hair and a friendly smile walked over to Rachel and Ross' table.

"Great to see you Rachel," he greeted her.

"Hello Greg," Rachel said eagerly, shaking his hand. She motioned to Ross. "This is my friend Ross Geller. Ross, this is one of the directors of Bloomingdales, Greg Hyland."

"Hey," Ross said, giving Greg a firm handshake.

Greg grinned at Ross. "Hey Ross, pleasure to meet you."

Ross chuckled nervously. "Same to you," he replied.

"I'm glad you brought someone with you," Greg said, looking at Rachel with relief. "My girlfriend is with me. She insisted on trying out this place, she's got a soft spot for eating outdoors."

"Where is she now?" Rachel questioned as they all sat down.

"In the bathroom," Greg said, rolling his eyes comically. "It's the first thing you women seem to like to do when you arrive at a bar or restaurant."

"Yeah well…" Rachel shrugged and grinned.

"Anyway, she'll be out here in a minute." Greg said airily. He turned to Ross. "So, Ross, how long have you known Rachel?"

"Um…well…" Ross coughed nervously. "A…a number of years."

Greg laughed. "Too long, huh?"

"Oh, well, yeah I guess." Ross said laughing along, ignoring the eye roll coming from Rachel.

"So I assume you two are…" Greg paused and motioned between Ross and Rachel.

Rachel gave a short, polite laugh. "No, we're definitely not a couple."

"Yeah, could you _imagine_ it?" Ross added, laughing uncomfortably.

"Not in a million years." Rachel replied, smiling brightly.

Greg looked between them, an amused expression on his face. "Ah well, it's like that sometimes isn't it? Some men and women just don't click like that."

"Yeah, _we_ don't." Rachel agreed.

"We do _sometimes_." Ross disagreed.

"Oh Ross," Rachel laughed, waving her hand dismissively. She turned to Greg. "So, how long have you been with your girlfriend, if you don't mind me asking?"

"We just recently celebrated our one-year anniversary." Greg replied, smiling softly.

Rachel glanced awkwardly at Ross. "That's…really great." She replied quietly.

"Rachel broke up with a guy on their one year anniversary," Ross jumped in.

"It was_ not _a break-up." Rachel snapped.

Greg cleared his throat. "Anyway, um, things are going great." He interrupted.

Rachel looked at him, stricken. "I'm sorry Greg. It was a touchy subject that Ross should _not_ have brought up."

"Hey it's ok. We've all been through it." Greg said, smiling at her reassuringly. "My girlfriend and I went through an awkward patch ourselves."

"Really?" Ross asked, interested, "what happened?"

"We'd both been in serious relationships before. They both ended badly. I'd been married, and, well…she had an asshole of a boyfriend." Greg paused and shook his head in disgust. "He seemed all ready to commit, from the sounds of it they were starting to talk about moving in together…then one day he just turns around to her and says 'it's not working out.'"

"Wow, what a tool." Ross said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, even worse, he told her it was because he was in love with somebody else. Apparently, he'd been crazy about some girl he'd known since high school, and they'd recently got close again. Y'know, _close_." Greg shook his head sadly.

Ross paled and glanced at Rachel, whose face had also taken on a look of nausea. "That's…really awful." She muttered.

"So…um…why the rough patch?" Ross asked quickly, desperate to change the subject. He didn't like where the conversation seemed to be heading.

"I'm ten years older than my girlfriend. I dunno, I guess with my wife leaving me before…I was scared Julie was going to do the same to me."

"Re-really?" Rachel cast Ross a horrified look.

"I'm…I'm sure _Julie _wouldn't do that to you." Ross said, glancing back at Rachel, wide-eyed.

"Well, I know that _now_." Greg smiled at Ross and Rachel, unaware to their discomfort. His eyes lit up and focused on something behind Ross' shoulder. "Here she is!"

Ross and Rachel slowly turned around, facing a woman that neither of them had seen in nearly two years. She stood still; her youthful oriental looks that belied her age looked grimly back at them. Her dark eyes flashed at them both incredulously.

"Hey Julie," Ross squeaked, holding out a trembling hand. "I'm Ross."

Rachel let out a tiny, inaudible curse.

* * *

"Don't you just love the outdoors?" Janice asked, setting her coffee cup on the table. She adjusted her sunglasses and grinned across at Joey, who was devouring his second bagel.

"Yeah, ifts geatch." He mumbled, sticking a thumb-up.

Janice rolled her eyes. "Was that an 'its great' you were trying to get out there?"

Joey swallowed quickly and nodded. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, "you should know by now that I have a big appetite."

Janice nodded and signalled for a waiter. "Can we get another plate of bagels and muffins please?" she asked.

Joey's eyes widened in delight, "you are the only woman I know who can eat as much as me."

"I think most of that plate will be yours," Janice teased.

"I once got 12 oreos in my mouth," Joey boasted proudly.

Janice wrinkled her nose. "That's impressive, but very gross."

"That's coming from the woman who was prepared to fall in a _sewage_ pipe to save her purse." Joey shot back.

Janice blinked and gave him a strange smile. Joey looked at her in confusion. "What?"

Janice shook her head. "Nothing."

"No, you looked at me really weird just then. I was only kidding about the ankle thing…you know that, right?" Joey rambled worriedly.

Janice giggled and lifted her sunglasses so she could make eye contact with Joey. "I know. It's just crazy…you sounded so much like Chandler just then."

"hey, maybe I'm finally learning something." Joey said, chuckling.

"The art of put-down lines," Janice said thoughtfully. She smiled at Joey. "Don't do it too often, ok? You're fine just as you are."

Joey flushed awkwardly. "Thanks. Not many girls have said that to me before."

"Well, they should." Janice reached over the table and clutched Joey's hand gently.

Joey smiled at her warmly and squeezed her hand. As he withdrew it, he caught something out of the corner of his eye.

"Well, that's interesting…" he murmured, looking over Janice's shoulder for a better view.

"What is?" Janice asked, confused. She turned around to follow Joey's gaze. "What am I looking at?"

Joey pointed to an area about three tables away. "Ross and Rachel are here too." He replied, looking bemused. He squinted at the table for a closer look. "Oh my god…that's Julie."

"Who's Julie?" Janice asked, squinting across the tables.

Joey grinned as he noticed the uncomfortable looks on Ross and Rachel's faces. "Ross' ex-girlfriend. He dumped her for Rachel."

"Owch." Janice turned back around and grimaced. "Why are they having lunch with her?"

"I don't know. There's another guy at the table with them."

"I wonder what's happening."

Joey stood up. "I'm going over."

Janice grabbed his hand. "No way!" she protested, giggling. "They would kill you."

"Aww Janice, we'll miss the fun," Joey moaned, looking at her pleadingly. "You should see the look on Julie's face. She's furious! I doubt Ross and Rachel planned for her to be there."

* * *

"So, what shall we order?" Greg asked cheerfully, peering at his menu. "I think I might have the sweet and sour pork sandwich." He appeared oblivious to the evil glares that Ross and Rachel were receiving from Julie.

"Um…I'll just have a salad." Ross mumbled at the waiter.

"Me too," Rachel added quickly.

"That won't last long," Greg pointed out, looking confused. "We have a lot to discuss."

"Really?" Ross squeaked. He shot a terrified look at Julie.

"Are you ok?" Julie asked, smiling sweetly.

"I'm fine," Ross replied shortly.

Greg cleared his throat and turned to Rachel. "So, Rachel, I would love to hear some of your ideas for the new winter catalogue."

"So, Ross, tell me about yourself!" Julie said brightly, eyeing him coolly.

"What?" Ross asked, startled.

"I would _love _to hear about your life." Julie continued.

"Yes Greg, I was thinking green is going to be _the _colour of the season…" Rachel rambled quickly.

"What parts of my life do you want to hear about?" Ross asked Julie snappily.

"Oh I don't know…how about, how long have you and Rachel been together?" Julie asked, smiling thinly at him.

Ross narrowed his eyes and smiled triumphantly. "Actually, Rachel and I are _not _together."

The sardonic smile on Julie's face froze. "Really? But I thought…"

"You thought what honey?" Greg asked, looking confused.

"Nothing, I'm just a little surprised that Ross and Rachel are not a couple!" Julie exclaimed defensively, "after all, they're here at this meeting together."

"Ross is just here for moral support," Rachel told her, flushing.

"Yeah, I bet he is." Julie muttered at her.

"Rachel and I _used _to date, but we don't anymore." Ross explained quickly. He picked up the desserts menu. "Hmm…is anyone going to order from this later?"

"Not for me. I've been cutting out desserts." Rachel replied, relieved the conversation was turning in a different direction.

"Worried about the calories huh? Are you getting fat?" Julie asked cuttingly, taking a sip of her wine.

Rachel widened her eyes. "Excuse me?"

"Julie, I don't think that was the right thing for you to ask," Greg jumped in hurriedly, looking at Rachel apologetically.

"Well maybe that's why Ross and Rachel broke up," Julie suggested, glancing at Ross triumphantly.

"Actually, it wasn't." Rachel replied snappily. "I don't have issues with my weight."

"I'm just saying because Ross seems to be the type of guy who could get fussy about the women he's dating." Julie told the table, her eyes still gleaming angrily.

Ross sighed. "Julie…"

"So Greg, about the fall line, I really think we should be focusing on the suede coats." Rachel interrupted hastily.

Greg nervously glanced from Julie, to Ross and then to Rachel. "Um…yes. We could order in a few extra thousand for the catalogue."

"So come on then Ross," Julie hissed across the table, "what _is _the reason you two aren't together? I thought she was the love of your life!"

Rachel's mouth froze in mid-sentence as she caught the end of Julie's words.

"Julie, I don't think this is the time or place," Ross hissed back, his cheeks flushing a dark red. "Things don't work out sometimes, that's all."

"Green is definitely the 'in' colour," Greg continued, seemingly not hearing the whispering, "What do you think Rachel? Rachel?"

Rachel's head shot from Julie and Ross back to Greg. "Um…yeah…yeah green is good."

"Oh come on Ross. Give me more than that. I deserve to know why causing my heartbreak seemed to be a waste of time!" Julie exclaimed, slamming her glass down on the table.

Greg stared between Ross and Julie. "Am I missing something here?" he asked quietly, "what the hell is going on?"

Julie squeezed Greg's hand. "Honey, Ross is the guy who broke up with me for another woman."

"He _is_?" Greg looked darkly at Ross. "I don't know how you dare sit with us."

"I bet you'd _love _to know who the woman was, wouldn't you sweetie?" Julie glared at Ross and Rachel.

"Oh god," Rachel muttered, closing her eyes. "This cannot be happening."

"Julie, I swear to god if you say anything else…" Ross warned, looking at her furiously.

Julie looked silently at Rachel whose eyes brimmed with tears, her dreams being dashed.

"Who was it honey?" Greg demanded.

"It's not important," Julie said finally. "Ross was the one who broke up with me, not the woman."

Rachel let out a huge sigh and nodded at her gratefully.

"That's right," Ross agreed wholeheartedly. "It wasn't the 'other woman's' fault. Julie, I'm really sorry about what happened. I hurt you badly, and not a week goes by that makes me regret the way I broke up with you. If it makes you feel any better, I screwed things up with the other woman too."

"What happened?" Julie demanded.

"I cheated on her."

"I see." Julie shot a surprised look at Rachel, who was staring at Ross in equal shock.

"You admit you cheated on her," Rachel said slowly.

"Technically, I suppose I did." Ross muttered, gulping his wine down.

"There's no technicality about it Ross. You cheated on m-…her. You _just _admitted it." Rachel grinned gradually, her eyes dancing in delight.

"If you'll excuse me, I'll just be heading to the bathroom." Julie muttered, sending a shame-faced glance at Rachel.

"I have to say, this is the strangest business meeting I have ever sat in on." Greg said after a lengthy silence. He turned to Rachel and smiled wryly. "I really must apologise. We didn't really get a lot accomplished."

"Oh no, I should be thanking you. I think we _did _get a lot accomplished," Rachel said, shooting another triumphant grin at Ross. "In more ways than one."

"Um…pleased to hear that," Greg gave her a puzzled grin. "I'll remember to not bring a guest next time though." He paused and cleared his throat uneasily.

"Next time?" Rachel's jaw dropped open. "You want to see me again?"

Greg smiled warmly at her. "Rachel, I'd be crazy not to offer you the winter catalogue. You're enthusiastic about your work and you have a _brilliant _eye for fashion. Everything that has happened today doesn't change that."

"Oh my god," Rachel clapped her hands in excitement. "I can't believe it! Thank you _so _much Greg."

"I'm confident you won't let me down Rachel," Greg said, laughing at her enthusiasm. He glanced around. "I think I'd better see where my girlfriend disappeared to." He added hurriedly, getting up and walking inside the café.

"Oh my _go-od_." Ross uttered, grinning at Rachel. "Is he for real? I destroy his girlfriend's self-esteem and he offers you a job?"

Rachel gripped Ross' shoulders and smiled warmly at him. "I think out of the two of you, Julie came off the worst in the confrontation," she whispered, "and besides, Greg didn't know it was me you dumped Julie for."

"No," Ross admitted, "I guess that may have changed things."

Rachel leaned her head into Ross' shoulder and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Thank you for saving my career. I know it was hard for you to apologise to Julie for what you did."

"I wouldn't say _that _was the hardest part," Ross muttered into her hair.

Rachel giggled and lifted her head to face him. "Thank you for taking the blame for everything. It really calmed things."

"Hey I didn't mean I was to blame for _every_-"

"Oh _Ross_," Rachel interrupted, putting her finger on his lips. "Maybe some things are best left unsaid. Why don't we just…try to put it behind us?"

Ross widened his eyes. "You mean…you want to…"

Rachel smiled wryly. "We'll never get it off the table, will we?"

"Rachel, when it comes to us, I don't think I could _ever _consider it off the table," Ross replied seriously.

"I'm not promising it's going to get me to forgive you just yet, but I think we owe it to each other to give things another go."

"Oh Rach," Ross placed her hands on the table and clasped them gently. "I promise things will be better this time."

"I know you promise Ross, but I can't believe that right now because so many things happened and a lot of hurtful things have been said over the last few months. I just want us to take things slowly. Maybe a few dinner dates, movies…spend some time getting to know each other again."

Ross nodded slowly. "Ok. I can do that. I can be a teenager again; pick you up from your apartment at the beginning of dates, wait by the door…"

Rachel laughed. "Yeah, except there won't be any mom's in the background saying 'don't be late home'."

"Well, mom never bothered me about that because I didn't _get _dates in high school." Ross pointed out, flushing.

Rachel eyed him with understanding. "I've missed you." She said quietly.

"Me too Rachel," Ross said, drawing her in for a tight hug. "I guess me being a slave for three days wasn't so bad after all."

"Is it going to be bad when it's my turn?" Rachel asked suspiciously.

Ross shook his head and laughed.

* * *

"Oh my god that is _so _sweet," Janice muttered; her eyes agog at the scene.

"It's about time." Joey added, grinning with pleasure. "Those two are made for each other."

Janice grinned at him. "You think we should gatecrash?"

"You wouldn't dare." Joey said in horror.

"I guess that would be too cruel." Janice decided, chuckling. She smiled at Joey warmly. "This has got to be the most entertaining lunch date I have ever been on."

"Janice, this isn't a date." Joey corrected, blushing.

"You've been eyeing me up for the past hour. If this isn't a date to you, then what do you do on the real ones?" Janice asked, laughing.

"Nothing that can be done in public," Joey flirted before he could stop himself.

"_Really_?" Janice leaned in closer to Joey. "Too bad this isn't real then. I was really beginning to think of…going somewhere private."

Joey swallowed hard, taking in Janice's questioning eyes. His lips were inches from hers. "Didn't you say you needed a bathroom cleaning?" he blurted out.

Ok, what the hell made him say that? Joey blinked several times. He was supposed to be the master of sexual tension!

Janice rolled her eyes and leaned back into her chair. "Yeah, I guess the other thing wouldn't be a good idea anyway." She said airily, reaching for her crutches.

"It wouldn't?" Joey looked at her, startled.

Janice laughed. "My right ankle is in bandages! You and me in bed with one of my legs propped up like I'm some kind of gymnast isn't sexy, is it?"

"No, your legs in-in different positions wouldn't be-be ideal." Joey stuttered, quickly distracting himself by leaving a large tip by their bill.

"Exactly." Janice said briskly, heaving herself up onto her crutches. She grinned down at Joey. "You ok? You're looking a little weird…you're sweating."

"I think it's the heat." Joey fanned his face with a menu.

"Yes." Janice looked at him thoughtfully before giggling again. "Come on, we've got some cleaning to do."

Joey nodded silently and followed Janice back to her apartment.

* * *

"Oh my god!" Monica said, hanging up the phone. She stared at Chandler in shock as he struggled with his tie.

"What?" he asked her, amused.

"Ross and Rachel are back together."

"Whoa." Chandler widened his eyes. "Seriously?"

"Yes! Joey just called with the news!"

Chandler flung his arms around Monica in celebration and danced her crazily around the apartment.

"Be careful with my dress!" Monica warned, laughing. "If you tread on it; that will be 60 dollars gone for nothing."

"60?" Chandler stopped in his tracks and stared at Monica in amazement. "On a _dress_?"

"Tonight is very important Chandler," Monica reminded him.

Chandler rolled his eyes. "Oh yes I forgot that we have to make a good impression on eye doctors these days."

Monica hit his arm playfully. "Please behave tonight. I don't want Richard's girlfriend to think we're complete losers."

"Monica, remember our discussion from this morning." Chandler looked at her meaningfully.

"Yeah yeah, I haven't got anything to prove, I'm wonderful blah-blah." Monica grinned at him, shaking her head.

"I mean every word." Chandler said quietly.

A look fell between them as they seemingly shared the same thoughts. Monica tore her eyes from Chandler's shy smile and checked her watch. "We should get going."

"You know what this reminds me of?" Chandler said softly as Monica locked up the apartment.

"What?" Monica asked, turning her head questioningly.

"That night I took you to Richard's daughter's party. We left almost exactly like this."

"It was _exactly _like this, not almost." Monica corrected him, starting to walk down the hallway.

"No. I walked away first and you called me back." Chandler called. Monica stopped in her tracks and slowly turned around on her heels. She smiled at him.

"Then you told me to hold your hand." Chandler continued, a teasing smile creeping upon his face.

Monica giggled. "And now you're asking _me _to hold _yours_?"

Chandler held out his hand silently and Monica walked over to grab it gently.

"_Now _it's exactly like that night." Chandler finished, smiling down at her.

**End of Chapter 9**

**:what**** happens next? Review and you will find out:**


	10. Chapter 10

**TOW the Auction**

**Chapter 10**

"So Chandler, how is the world of…" Richard paused and furrowed his brow a little. "Sorry. What is it you do?"

Chandler chuckled lightly. "I'm a data processor. I enter data into a computer and it gets processed out to different departments. Every month we do a report to show us if the data we're entering in is making the company any money."

Richard nodded enthusiastically. "Ok. That sounds interesting."

Chandler rolled his eyes and gave him a wry smile. "It really isn't."

Richard laughed. "No but it gets you a pay cheque every month, right?"

Chandler lifted his wine glass. "Amen to that."

For what seemed like the thousandth time that night, Monica glanced at Chandler in astonishment. The two of them had been drinking a bottle of wine with Richard and Rita for a little over an hour. The group were having such a blast that they hadn't even thought about ordering food. Chandler and Richard were talking like old friends, seemingly forgetting about the time Chandler and Joey had called the older man their 'Dad'. Monica had so far found Rita, a tall woman in her forties with short, brown hair, to be friendly and witty.

Monica continued to watch Chandler for a few minutes. The man seemed to have gone through a temporary personality transplant. The neurotic nervousness that he usually exhibited around strangers was gone. He was telling _funny_ jokes without them being too goofy; he was charming the socks off Rita. He just seemed totally at ease within himself, something that didn't happen too often. Monica found herself wondering if Chandler had always really been like this but had never noticed.

Rita rolled her eyes comically. "Why don't we escape to the bathroom?" she suggested quietly to Monica. "Those two won't shut up for ages."

Monica listened to Chandler and Richard conduct a deep discussion on the tactics of the New York Knicks and nodded quickly.

"Had they always been like that in the past?" Rita asked Monica in amusement as they studied their reflections in the bathroom mirrors.

Monica shook her head. "No. They weren't at all close. The age-gap had always created distance."

"Really?" Rita looked at her in surprise. "They look like the best of friends."

"I think they're doing it for us." Monica said quietly. Chandler had put up with a lot over the last three days and she still couldn't believe that he hadn't stopped talking to her yet.

"Hmm, Chandler is a very nice young man." Rita murmured, smiling. "You're lucky to have him. Isn't it awkward watching him talk to your ex?"

Monica shook her head vigorously. "No, I'm kind of relieved. I was afraid that Chandler was going to start acting like…Chandler."

Rita laughed. "Usually a little more neurotic than he's been tonight?"

"Understatement of the year," Monica smiled fondly as she thought about her 'boyfriend.'

"Young love." Rita sighed. "I think you underestimate that man of yours."

"Yes maybe. Young love?" Monica gave her a small smile. If only she knew.

"You are so cute together," Rita told her. She opened the door to the restaurant. "Come on…let's see what they're talking about now."

"Um…problem," Chandler told them as the two women sat back down in their seats.

"What is it?" Monica asked, looking at him in concern.

"There isn't a vegetarian menu for Rita." Richard told her, smiling apologetically.

Rita looked down in embarrassment. "Don't worry. I'll just…keep drinking." She topped up her wine glass and grinned round the table.

Chandler laughed. "No, we can go somewhere else."

"Everywhere will be fully booked by now," Richard pointed out, looking at his watch.

"Well…how about we all go back to my place?" Rita suggested brightly. "I'll make us something; we can have a few drinks, watch a few movies. We'll make a night of it – there's no such thing as 'closing time' at Rita Sullivan's house!"

Monica and Chandler exchanged smiles and nodded. "That would be great." They said together.

* * *

"Oh my god, what a night," Chandler commented, walking slowly down the street. "I don't think I've ever laughed harder." Monica linked an arm through his and nodded. 

"I can't believe Rita put on _Jaws_," Monica said, giggling. "A real daredevil, that one! That makes or breaks a party"

"Ba-bum – ba-bum – babum-babum-babum," Chandler sang. He glanced at Monica and they started laughing.

"I've never seen Richard drunk before," Chandler said after a few minutes.

Monica grinned. "Neither have I."

"Really?" Chandler arched his eyebrows in surprise. "What about the time you two went to that nightclub with Ross and Rachel?"

"He never drank. The poor man had to drive us home."

The two walked in silence for a few minutes. Even though the numerous amount of beers Chandler had consumed had made his mind a little confused, he had noted the tone of sadness in Monica's voice.

"Do you miss being with him?" he asked her cautiously. He almost regretted asking. He couldn't bear it if Monica started talking about how much she still loved Richard.

"No, not anymore," Monica replied quietly.

Chandler shot her a look but continued walking them down the street.

"Why not?" He asked innocently.

"It's been a while. It gets easier through time." Monica stopped and looked up at Chandler. "I don't want to be with him, I just want be with _someone_. That's what all this craziness has been about; I couldn't bear to see him happy. I've been really stupid because Rita deserves to be with him, and he deserves to be with her."

Chandler sighed and wrapped his arms around Monica. She snuggled into his shoulder while he stroked her hair. "Sorry I'm making your life a living hell." She added.

Chandler chuckled. "It hasn't been _that _bad." He paused as Monica looked sceptically at him. "Ok, so maybe some of the things you've asked me to do have been a little insane, but it's been fun."

"Fun?" Monica laughed. "You really are an incredible man."

Chandler blushed. "Thank-you," He said softly.

Monica smiled gently at him and linked her arm again in his. "Come on, it's 2a.m. and we're standing in the middle of the city like a pair of drunken idiots."

"We _are _a pair of drunken idiots." Chandler pointed out to her good-naturedly. He widened his eyes as he thought of something. "Did you say it was 2a.m?"

"Yes." Monica replied, looking at him suspiciously.

"So technically my last day being your slave has finished?"

"Yes." Monica repeated, starting to smile.

"So that means that _you_ are _my_ slave?"

"I guess it does mean that."

"Well then, I think it's the perfect time for you to do your first task." Chandler announced, bringing the two of them to a stop. They had arrived outside Central Park. The area was completely deserted, the place lit only by a few street lamps.

"Now?" Monica exclaimed, "Chandler, it's in the middle of the night!"

"What's wrong with that?" Chandler looked out over the grassy spot. "Have you ever played baseball?"

"What? No, not for years," Monica replied, laughing. "You're not seriously asking me to play baseball with you right now?"

"Come on, I'll teach you. I'll just grab my stuff from the apartment and we can hit a few balls in the park."

"This is crazy," Monica said as Chandler grabbed her hand and ran them across the road to their building. "It's dark, we're drunk."

"It'll be fun."

A few minutes later and the two of them were standing a few feet away from each other in a lit area of the park. "Ok, you just grip the bat with both hands and hold it just above your shoulders." Chandler instructed.

"Chandler, this is crazy," Monica complained.

"I quite agree, but it's no crazier than the other stuff you've asked me to do." Chandler told her.

"You call cooking me breakfast in bed crazier than _this_?" Monica demanded, waving her bat around madly.

"That kind of grip won't help you." Chandler said, shaking his head.

"Chandler!"

"Ok, I'll help." Chandler walked over to Monica, ignoring her protests. He stood behind her and held her hands gently on the bat. "You're not standing right," he said into her ear.

"We've just drank about five pitchers of cocktails between us…of course I'm not standing right!" Monica grumbled at him.

Chandler chuckled lightly. He was standing very close to Monica now. His arms were practically wrapped around her body as he helped her hold the bat. The back of her legs were leaning against his knees.

"Are we planning on standing like this all night?" Monica asked now, laughing slightly. Chandler stared at her in alarm; it was like she had read his mind.

"Um…no," he said in a strangled voice. "If you can keep that grip, I can let go of your hands."

"I think I've got it." Monica said uncertainly.

"Are you sure?" Chandler asked, amused. He had the amazing feeling that she didn't want him to move from his position just yet.

"No I think you need to show me the movements."

"Ok." Chandler started to move the bat back and forth, which caused Monica's arms to move as well. "You just need to swing it. Move your whole body, go with it."

Their bodies started to sway together in unison. Chandler slowly started to let go of the bat and rested his hands on Monica's hips. After a few short swings on her own, Monica stopped.

"Yeah, um, needs a bit of work." She said in a high-pitched voice.

"I'll, um, pitch a few balls to you." Chandler muttered hurriedly, walking past her and stopping a few feet in front.

"Ok." Monica gripped her bat. "Go for it Bing!"

Chandler threw the baseball directly at Monica's bat. She took a big swing and hit it squarely on target. The ball hit Chandler straight in the face.

"Holy…!" Chandler screamed, clutching his right eye.

"Oh my god!" Monica yelped, throwing her bat on the floor and running over to him. "Are you ok?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine!" Chandler said sarcastically, wincing. He removed his hand, revealing a swollen mess all around his eye.

"Oh my god," Monica bit her lip. "I'm _so_ sorry."

"I forgot to mention that you're supposed to aim the ball somewhere other than where the bowler is." Chandler added, bending down in pain. He clutched his eye again.

"I think we'd better put some ice on that." Monica said worriedly.

"You _think_?" Chandler snipped. "I think I've gone blind. Where's that ex-boyfriend of yours when we need him?"

* * *

"Ok, hold still." Monica placed a frozen bag of beans on Chandler's eye. 

"Ow!" Chandler squeaked, twitching away,

"I know it hurts right now, but this will help, honestly." Monica muttered at him, leaning in again with the bag.

"Geezus Mon, I know you said you hadn't played in years but…ow!"

"Shh, Rachel is asleep." Monica whispered. She pulled her chair closer to Chandler's so she could get a closer look. "You're going to have one hell of a bruise tomorrow."

"Great. I'll look like a panda."

Monica giggled softly. "I like Pandas."

"So do I, but I don't want to be mistaken for one." Chandler held the frozen bag over his eye and sighed deeply. "Why do things like this happen to me all the time?"

"It's just bad luck I guess." Monica laughed.

"Every date I've been on ends in disaster." Chandler moaned, removing the ice-pack and placing it on the table. "I think you're right, it _has _helped a little. At least I can open my eye now…what?" He looked at Monica's startled face.

"Nothing." Monica stood up from the kitchen table and hurriedly replaced the bag back in the freezer.

"No, Monica, what's the matter?"

"Nothing's the _matter_…" Monica started, staring at him. "It's just something you said…"

"Just something I said." Chandler echoed, raising an eyebrow. "I say a lot of things Mon. What exactly…"

"You-you said every date you've ever been on ends in disaster. Was-was tonight a date?" Monica stammered, looking nervously.

Chandler widened his eyes, realising what Monica seemed to be suggesting. "Oh…um…well, maybe I should have said every 'fake' date ends in disaster," he corrected lamely.

"I had a really good time tonight." Monica told him quietly.

"Yeah, me too," Chandler swallowed hard as Monica sat down opposite him.

"I mean, if this had been a real date, I wouldn't call it a disaster." Monica pointed out, smiling. "You did pretty good Bing."

"Yes, I am quite the legend." Chandler said jokily. He looked seriously at her. "It was nothing. I didn't do anything special."

"You did though. Rita loved you; Richard thinks you're even cooler than before. You charmed them so much…and me." Monica brushed her fingers against Chandler's hand. "I almost forgot tonight that you weren't my boyfriend…and when I did remember it depressed me."

"Mon…do you realise what you're saying?" Chandler asked, wide-eyed.

"Yes." Monica looked deeply into his eyes.

"This wasn't even a real date, how could you possibly…" Chandler stopped short as Monica leaned in quickly to kiss him. "…think I'm boyfriend material based on tonight?" he finished breathlessly.

"You were just 'you' all night," Monica explained, "I can't believe I missed what an incredible man you are. You make me laugh, you're kind…and you have got the sexiest blue eyes I've ever seen."

"You should really drink all the time." Chandler said, placing his hands on either side of Monica's face and kissing her. They wrapped their arms around each other, deepening the kiss. They stopped for a minute, smiling excitedly at each other.

"I feel like I'm 20 again." Monica whispered, laughing.

"We should go on 'fake dates' more often." Chandler suggested, his blue eyes dancing happily.

"Seriously?" Monica asked, staring at him.

"Well, we could give it a shot." He wriggled his eyebrows at her.

"Ok." Monica nodded and kissed him again.

**End of Chapter 10**


End file.
